Speakers, Authors & Christian Marriage & Relationship CoachesParenting – Speakers, Authors & Christian Marriage & Relationship Coaches

What Every Dad Needs To Know About Mother’s Day

roylovesdev — Tue, 03 May 2016 11:00:13 +0000

Mother’s Day is just around the corner and Dad’s everywhere this week will be working on how to make this Mother’s Day wonderful for their wives.

‘Into the home of the childless wife, He sends children who are, for her, a cause of happiness beyond measure.’ Psalm 113:9 (VOICE)

There is no Mother’s Day Manual For Dads. Most new and young dads make rookie mistakes. Those of us who have been married a few decades have figured out how to get through Mother’s Day without having major snafus. Here are some easy tips to help set you up for success with this year’s Mother’s Day.

Making Mother’s Day Successful

Your Wife Before Your Mom – Putting your wife, the mother of your children, before your mom is very important on Mother’s Day. You can still call your mom, but consider sending cards or gifts to her before Mother’s Day so you can focus exclusively on your wife.

Speak Her Love Language – She will receive love best on Mother’s Day if it is spoken in her language. If you don’t know her love language, you can probably figure it out by reading this article. Once you figure it out, help the children speak Mother’s Day in that language.

Give Her A Break – You and the children are responsible for all her regular chores on Mother’s Day. Everything from waking and dressing the children to cooking, cleaning and making the bed. If there is a weekly chore that she usually does on Sunday, just telling her not to do it means she’ll have to do it later. Instead do it for her. There should be no mention of any chore to her any part of the day.

Mommy “Me” Time – You might think Moms want to spend time with their children on mothers day. That is usually only true on the first Mother’s Day and not true again until they are in their mid teens. Give Mom a break and let her have some “Me” time with some of her girlfriends doing something she loves.

Always Honor Her – Every Mother’s Day requires you to honor her. If she doesn’t like gifts or cards, you need to hand write a note or card honoring all she does as a mother. Thank her for being the best mother your children could ever have.

Reassess The Chore List – One of the big gifts Dads can give their wife is to reassess the chore list and bring balance to the family chores. So many Moms are overwhelmed on a weekly basis and struggle to find the balance between taking care of themselves and being the Mom and wife they want to be. Take note of all she does and find a way to pick up more of the ongoing responsibilities for parenting and home management. It will be a constant reminder of your love for her.

Gifts Can Be Tricky

Subtle Hints – has she recently talked about oohed and aahhed about or taken you shopping to show you something she’d really love to have or do? Take the hint and check your budget to see what the possibilities are to get it for her.

Ask Her Entourage. You know who her confidants are. Ask her sister, mother or best friend for any advice. Anything they tell you would be secondary to what she is actually saying to you so be careful to take it as a suggestion, not an order.

“Don’t Buy Me Anything” – Usually when she makes such a declaration, it is about the budget. Make sure you do something but keep the budget in mind.

Picture & Frame – A family picture in a nice frame is a nice inexpensive gift. If you can make the frame with some descriptive words about her from the children along the frame, that will mean so much to her.
Homemade Crafts – Almost anything that you can help the children make for their Mom will be greatly appreciated.
Jar Full Of Love – You and the children could make a list of all the reasons why you love her, type and cut them up into individual words or phrases and put them in a jar for her to read over the year.
Homemade Card – You can make a huge card with a poster board folded in half. Have the children draw on the card and then you all write inside.
Coupons – Give her an envelope full of coupons with commitments from the children and you for hugs, time together, chores she usually does, “Mommy Me” time away from the family, etc.
Hand Picked Flowers – Take the children around town looking for flowers and pick a few here and there for a homemade bouquet of locally grown flowers.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers. What did you find helpful about this article? Have you tried any of these in the past? What recommendations would you add to help Dads make Mother’s Day special? Do you know someone who you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.

The Top Five Reasons Family Traditions and Rituals Are Vital To Your Marriage

roylovesdev — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 11:00:19 +0000

Family traditions and rituals are sometimes thought to be boring at one time or another, but most people have fond memories of a family tradition or ritual from their childhood. Perhaps it was how a holiday was celebrated, or perhaps what you did as a family every meal-time. Whatever it was, it puts a smile on your face today.

According to studies, marriages where family rituals and traditions are positive, build resilience, are happier, and have fewer conflicts. In other words, family rituals and traditions make marriages better.

‘Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.’ Deut 6:6 (MSG)

Why are family rituals and traditions so vital?

They create meaning and purpose. Family traditions and rituals tend to include an aspect of faith and spirituality. Families have a regular reminder of long-term, weightier, and more meaningful things in life.
They build strength. Family traditions and rituals improve health and the immune system. It is like getting a booster shot of resiliency for any tough family times in the family’s future.
They create identity. Family rituals and traditions remind us who we are and who we belong to. It is especially impactful for children and teens as they face peer pressure because, “that’s not how we Wooten’s do it.” In some way, it acts as a prophylactic telling the world that you belong to your spouse.
They connect generations. Grandparents tell grandchildren stories about how they did the same thing with their grandparents.
They create deep and strong connections. Family traditions and rituals provide opportunities for self evaluation and family examination. Sharing what is going on within me connects me with whomever I’m sharing with.

What are family traditions and rituals?

Daily Rituals or Traditions might include

How we greet each other as we connect after school and work
Family meal together with conversation (no tv or devices)
Praying together
Bedtime devotional, reading or prayer
Family hugs or “secret family handshake”

Weekly Rituals or Traditions might include

Family Game Night (taking turns picking the game)
Family Movie Night
Worship Services Together
Saturday Breakfast Together
Family Meeting

Monthly or Less Frequent Rituals or Traditions might include

Family Ministry or Service Day
Holiday Celebrations
Birthday and Half Birthday Celebrations
Back to School Dinner
Marriage Anniversary Celebrations

What Do You Have To Say?

We always love to hear from our readers. What would you add to our list? What are your favorite family traditions from your childhood? What new family tradition have you implemented in the family you are creating?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2015. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.

A Special Post for Single & Step Parents

roylovesdev — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 11:00:29 +0000

Every once in a while a friend of Life Together Forever will ask us to write something for singles in their lives. We do our best to champion Life Together Forever. We are unashamedly committed to strengthening marriages and preventing divorce. However, this week’s article will be one that you can share with anyone who is a single or step parent.

A dear friend of ours, Jayna Haney, has been speaking and writing on the subject of blending families for years. We recommend signing up for her blog and email notifications if you have ever divorced or have children who are not being raised by both parents in your home.

Before You Marry Again

There is a period between separation and divorce (pre-divorce), and a period between divorce and the next marriage (pre-blending). During both we recommend that you prayerfully consider the following tips:

Connect with God. Listen to Him by being in His word. Talk to Him by creating space in your life for meditative prayer.
Be your best. Work on yourself. Rediscover who you are at your core. Agree with God in what He says about your value and beauty. Become whole. Find peace and joy instead of temporary replacements that frequently cause more pain.
Parent well. Make decisions that are best for your children’s development and divorce recovery, instead of what feels good or right in the moment. Think long-term. Don’t use your children to achieve your self-centered goals.
Surround yourself with support. Become active in a church with support programs for you. Fill your empty time with people who share your values and faith and are supportive.
Date only with your target in mind. Create a list of the things you want to have in the heart, mind and values of the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Only date real candidates. Be choosey. Refrain from getting sexual in your relationship as it will taint your ability to judge their character.

‘Don’t be afraid, for there is no one to shame you. Don’t fear humiliation, for there is no one to disgrace you. The shame of your younger years and the sorrow of your widowhood are over. You’ll forget those days as if they never happened. Because the One who made you will be your husband; the One called Commander of heavenly armies Will set you right again, the Holy One of Israel. It’s not for nothing that He is called “God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:4,5 (VOICE)

Six Steps for Single Parents and Step Families

Jayna shared the following six steps you need to know to achieve lasting harmony an confidence for yourself and your family.

Get rid of the Lone Wolf System. Let go of the one person pity party and get off Isolation Island. No matter how smart, educated, or successful you are, you need a council of helpers. Reaching out for help is a great skill to model for your children. Don’t put your dating partner on your council helpers.
Pay attention and know the specific dynamics and context of your family challenges. Nuclear family approaches don’t always work with step or single parenting issues. All divorced families go through the grief and loss cycle at different phases and lengths of time. Step families move through the phases of Integrating the Step Parents, Creating a Healthy Marriage, Change Management, and Creating Workable Rules for Former Spouses. Refrain from blaming and instead take responsibility to create the family you want.
Move out of the fear, anxiety and high stress drama in your life. Overreacting will seem natural but it will make you and everyone around you miserable. Not taking care of your emotional self will leave you feeling helpless, unprepared to handle challenges, unable to teach your children how to handle their emotions healthily, and in a vicious cycle of drama and pain.
Be willing to learn new ways of responding rather than reacting. Don’t cheat yourself out of God’s blessings. “This is just who I am” sabotages your own efforts to heal and move forward. Choose to change so that your children will learn resilience. Be in charge instead of letting circumstances and people be in charge of you.
Reframe the negative stories you tell yourself and agree with God about who you are. Keeping the stories going, and the negative beliefs about who you are, will consume your thoughts, deplete your energy, and keep you creating the old pain again and again. Until you change the story of this unjust event in your life, you cannot and will not move into new and good things in your life.
Focus your attention and energy on what you can change and do have. Be fully present when your children are with you. Make each period of time with them count by creating traditions with them, doing fun things together, and giving your children attention. Trying to make the other parent agree with you on everything will keep you from being the best parent your children need. Focus your energy on appreciating what you have.

We always love to hear from you. If you are a single parent or a blended family, what advice would you add to the lists? If you are in the middle of these challenging times, let us know how this article helped you.