During the first month of our marriage in 1988, Devra wanted to show how much she loved Roy. She prepared a wonderful bubble bath, with candles, a cold drink and dimmed lighting. When she showed it to Roy, he thought that she was going to jump in with him. But instead she left the room and did not return.
A couple of weeks later, Devra greeted Roy when he arrived from work and told him that he had another wonderful bubble bath waiting for him. He asked, “Will you be joining me?” to which she replied, “Oh no, I’ve made it special just for you to relax and unwind.” Roy then gently informed Devra that he appreciated what she had done but that he did not like baths and that he really did not want to take a bath without her joining him. If he was dirty or smelling bad, he would be glad to take a shower but not a bath.
We have shared that funny story with countless couples in our Life Together Forever Weekends or in Marriage Saving Intensives. We did not know what to call it, but we figured out that Devra was loving Roy in the way she would like to be loved. And Roy was not receiving it as love. So Roy began loving Devra in that way. Over the years, Devra has been blessed with many prepared baths, especially when the children were young.
In 1992 Gary Chapman penned a book that described this phenomenon excellently. Since then The Five Love Languages have sold over 10 million copies and helped couples discover each other’s love languages and develop successful ways to show their spouse love in a way they can actually receive it.
The five love languages, according to Chapman are:
- Words of Affirmation: Unsolicited compliments from your spouse makes you feel loved.
- Quality Time: Being the center of undivided attention from your spouse makes you feel loved.
- Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful, personal (not necessarily expensive) gifts from your spouse makes you feel loved.
- Acts of Service: Your spouse doing chores and easing your burden in any way makes you feel loved.
- Physical Touch: Hugs, pats on the back (or lower), reaching to hold your hand from your spouse makes you feel loved.
If you notice your spouse doing any of these activities toward you, chances are good that they are trying to love you from their love language. So love them back in their love language. Show them love in the way that they can best receive it, even if it is an unnatural way for you to show your love.
Discover you and your spouse’s love language and let us know how you loved them in their language. You never know, one of your stories may end up in our next book.
This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2015. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.