Man Up and Marry Her

In his early 30’s, Jeremy has been in one relationship after another. He falls in love and they move in together. After about a year or so, things begin to heat up and he feels pressured to put a ring on her finger. When he calls for coaching, he says the same things:

“I’m not financially stable enough to get married yet.”

“I don’t want to get married and end up divorced like my parents.”

“I’m not sure she is the one for me. I love her but we get into fights a lot and she is really annoying when she…”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to make such a long term commitment.”

‘Find a good spouse, you find a good life—and even more: the favor of God!’ Proverbs 18:22 (The Message)

Marriage In Decline

Helping & Fixing Is Hurting Your Marriage

Stan was fed up. When he called for a marriage intensive, he stated, “She treats me like I’m her child – Always telling me what to do.” Only married three years, she was just as frustrated as he was. “He’s always telling me what I ought to do. Its like he thinks I’m an idiot.”

Stan and Jackie are like so many couples we have worked with over the years in marriage intensives. Each spouse has difficulty fully hearing each other. Both struggle with understanding their spouse’s intentions.

Helping Your Husband

When your husband tells you a story about what is going on at work, or about some conflict with others in his life, you probably want to help. When he thinks out loud through a challenge or problem, you want to do your best to try to help him solve it. Your intentions are good.

More often than not- when a wife begins to help her husband by offering solutions or taking action to solve the issue for him, he does not receive it as help. Most husbands instead feel it as if their wives are bossing them around or being critical. Your “helping” is actually creating problems in the relationship.

Fixing Your Wife’s Problem

Life Together Forever Couples Seminar – East Texas

Do you want to take your marriage to the next level?

Do you want to experience relational healing and restoration?

Do you want to strengthen communication and connection?

Then this is the perfect event for you!

Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories.  With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:

  • Doing Life Together Forever
  • Creating a Lifelong Marriage
  • Speaking and Hearing Truth
  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Stress-Less Living
  • Healthy Expectations
  • Courageous Conversations
  • Sex, Love and Romance
  • Relationships God’s Way

August 26, 2017

8:30AM – 3PM

$50 per couples

Summit Heights Fellowship

2340 S FM 2869  Hawkins, TX 75765

Register Now

 

Are You Appreciating Your Spouse?

Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life.   When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.

Take Care Of Your Self For A Better Marriage

We remember being brought up singing a song at Vacation Bible Schools and Christian camps that had a chorus, “J.O.Y. – Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last.” That last part is a mantra that social pressures also give young men and women. In order to succeed, you must meet all the expectations of others in your life.

When Did Self Care Become Narcissistic?

Somewhere along the way, we began to believe that anything other than meeting the expectations of others meant that we were selfish, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. We do our very best, at the expense of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health, to perform up to expectations at school, home, work, and in our social group.

Over time, we ended up trying harder, occasionally failing, trying even harder, and occasionally failing and trying even harder. Women focus on being perfect in their jobs, marriages, parenting, churches, and social group. Men focus on meeting the expectations of leader, husband, father and masculinity.

You Can’t Take Care Of Others If You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12:30-31 (Message)

Change Is So Hard In A Relationship

Change is especially difficult in our most important relationships  You will find challenges in implementing a new way of interacting with each other over the issues that cause you and your spouse so much pain. It is normal for you to struggle with the change, and in fact it can be even more difficult to make the change stick.

Change is difficult!

You did not always know how to tie your shoelaces. In fact, there was a time when you did not know that you did not know how to tie your shoelaces. You were fine with not tying shoelaces. You were unconsciously incompetent at tying shoelaces.

The Daily Check In

One of the practices that we do every day to connect at the heart level is to check in with each other.  Checking in with each other is a way to talk about all the things that are going on “out there” so that we can create “We-ness” together.  It is also a way for us to be clear about our own emotions and not cloud them with issues with our spouse.

When a spouse returns from work and has a scowl on their face, what you do think their spouse thinks about what is going on?  Usually they think that the scowling spouse is upset with them in some way.  And they might be, but most of the time that assumption is wrong.  One of the good things that happens when we check in with each other is that we learn what that emotion is about, and usually, that it is not about us.

You may have returned home one day after a very bad day at work and when your spouse asked about your day, you barked at them.  That is something that happens with all couples.  Anger or hurt about things at work get transferred and communicated, intentionally or intentionally, toward your spouse.  You end up hurting the very person whom God put in your life to help you.

The Daily Check In is a way you can become aware of and communicate what is going on in your head and heart in a way that your spouse can support you and understand you.

Check In With Yourself First

Prayer Changes Your Marriage

Donna complained that her “so called” Christian husband was a “hypocrite”. Her heart was hard and critical because she did not experience him as the spiritual leader in the home that she had always expected. When asked about how her frustration was impacting her and how she interacted with him, she shared that she does not want to be around him, she has long periods where she does not like him, and she has little interest in being physically intimate with him.

God changes you, your marriage, and your relationship with Him when you pray for your spouse!

Date Night Conversation Starters

Have you ever gone on a date that ended up being a meeting about the kids, money problems, in-laws, work, chores, etc.?

Next time you go on a date, pull up this article on your smart phone and take the conversation in a totally different direction. Take turns answering the questions first. There are no wrong answers. Make it a night of discovery!

‘Most of all, love each other steadily and unselfishly, because love makes up for many faults.’ I Peter 4:8

Rediscover your spouse and all the reasons you truly love them. Enjoy humor and discussion about things that have no emotional negativity. Take your date night to a whole other level!

Conversation Starters (adapted from Love Talk Starters by Les and Leslie Parrott)

Your Friend’s Wrong Marriage Advice

Cindy was sitting on the other side of the couch with tears running down her face.  “When I told my best friend Lisa about my unhappy marriage, she told me I should look into what it would cost for a divorce and handed me a phone number of the attorney she used.”

“All I wanted was for Lisa to give me some support.”  Cindy made that call to the attorney’s office who’s sales focused incoming calls receptionist talked her into a face to face, no obligation, free meeting with them to learn more about it.  During the appointment, the divorce attorney’s staff focused on the problems in the marriage and encouraged her to proceed with signing them as her representation just in case things ever proceeded.