We do not know anyone who loves to do chores. But they have to get done. And with most couples who come to us for help, chores seems to be part of the discussion. One feels like the other hardly ever helps, or does not keep their end of the delegated chores or spends too much time doing them instead of connecting with their spouse. Sometimes the issue is that the one doing the chores is being regularly criticized instead of appreciated for doing them.
“For each will have to bear his own load” Galations 6:5 ESV
A recent call from a 32 year old wife in a five year old marriage. “Why is it that my husband showed me a lot of PDA (public display of affection) in our beginning of our relationship but is reluctant to do it now?”
The most important sex organ is the brain. And within the brain we are finding the answer to this very important question that is a common problem within most relationships.
It is amazing to us how many times husbands and wives are sitting in our offices and learn for the first time something about their spouse. Some have been married years and never knew that when she does this, he feels that… or that it always makes her feel the same negative way when he does that.
It makes sense to us that blown expectations is a huge part of the negative pattern of interactions that couples in struggle find themselves experiencing. One of the biggest “aha”s for us in our work with couples over the years is the huge number of times that the offended spouse has never communicated the expectation to the offending spouse. That is, when one spouse expects the other to do something that has never been communicated and is emotionally frustrated, hurt or sad when it does not happen.
Unspoken expectations are unhealthy expectations.
It’s that time of year again when our doorbell rings and children of all ages hold out a bag asking for “trick or treats”. Television sets are filled with “spooky” movies and “haunted” houses. Stores are packed with cases and cases of candy.
Over the years working with thousands of couples in our Life Together Forever Retreats and our Marriage Intensives, we have witness some of the most challenging spouses. So here is out list of the scariest spouses in marriages today.
The Five Scariest Spouses
Life is stressful. It is full of everyday little stressors and huge unexpected once-in-a-lifetime stressors. It has wonderfully exciting and “I can’t believe it” joy-filled stressors as well as little joys that also bring about unintended stressors. As long as we are living, we will experience stress.
According to the American Institute of Stress,
- the annual costs to employers of stress related healthcare and missed wore was measured at $300 Billion in 2014.
- 77% of Americans regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress.
- 73% of Americans regularly experience psychological symptoms caused by stress.
- 76% of Americans cited work as the leading cause of their stress.
- 54% of Americans reported stress has caused them to fight with people close to them.
- 48% of Americans reported lying awake at night due to stress.
Relationships Buffer Stress
We have dear friends who are lifelong Dallas Cowboy fans. In good times and bad, they watch every game religiously. They spend hundreds of dollars on Dallas Cowboy branded merchandise, home décor, and clothing. One of the first outfits their children wore as newborns was a Dallas Cowboy onesie. Their cars have Cowboys bumper stickers. Their work areas and home has Cowboys décor. Everyone knows that they are Cowboys fans. They are definitely Dallas Cowboy fanatics.
According to Merriam –Webster Dictionary, the word fan is “probably short for fanatic” and first appeared in 1682. A fan is “an enthusiastic devotee” and “an ardent admirer or enthusiast.”
“Marriage should be honored by all.” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV
In his early 30’s, Jeremy has been in one relationship after another. He falls in love and they move in together. After about a year or so, things begin to heat up and he feels pressured to put a ring on her finger. When he calls for coaching, he says the same things:
“I’m not financially stable enough to get married yet.”
“I don’t want to get married and end up divorced like my parents.”
“I’m not sure she is the one for me. I love her but we get into fights a lot and she is really annoying when she…”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to make such a long term commitment.”
‘Find a good spouse, you find a good life—and even more: the favor of God!’ Proverbs 18:22 (The Message)
Marriage In Decline
Stan was fed up. When he called for a marriage intensive, he stated, “She treats me like I’m her child – Always telling me what to do.” Only married three years, she was just as frustrated as he was. “He’s always telling me what I ought to do. Its like he thinks I’m an idiot.”
Stan and Jackie are like so many couples we have worked with over the years in marriage intensives. Each spouse has difficulty fully hearing each other. Both struggle with understanding their spouse’s intentions.
Helping Your Husband
When your husband tells you a story about what is going on at work, or about some conflict with others in his life, you probably want to help. When he thinks out loud through a challenge or problem, you want to do your best to try to help him solve it. Your intentions are good.
More often than not- when a wife begins to help her husband by offering solutions or taking action to solve the issue for him, he does not receive it as help. Most husbands instead feel it as if their wives are bossing them around or being critical. Your “helping” is actually creating problems in the relationship.
Fixing Your Wife’s Problem
Do you want to take your marriage to the next level?
Do you want to experience relational healing and restoration?
Do you want to strengthen communication and connection?
Then this is the perfect event for you!
Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories. With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:
- Doing Life Together Forever
- Creating a Lifelong Marriage
- Speaking and Hearing Truth
- Forgiveness and Reconciliation
- Stress-Less Living
- Healthy Expectations
- Courageous Conversations
- Sex, Love and Romance
- Relationships God’s Way
August 26, 2017
8:30AM – 3PM
$50 per couples
Summit Heights Fellowship
2340 S FM 2869 Hawkins, TX 75765
Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life. When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.