Why You Should Not Leave Your Unhappy Marriage

Darla was angry. She told us that her husband did not understand her and she did not feel like he ever would. She wondered if he loved her as she told us countless examples of his inattention to her needs. And when he finally asked her out on a date, it was to something that he knew she hated. She was done.

On a good day, enjoy yourself; on a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days so that we won’t take anything for granted. Ecclesiastes 7:14 MSG

5 Questions You Need To Ask Your Spouse

James and Sara came to a Marriage Intensive after thirteen years of marriage. She felt like she did not have a voice anymore in the marriage and that he would not listen to her. He felt like she did not put any effort into the relationship and would rather spend time with her friends than with him.

Near the end of the first hour, it was obvious what had happened. As soon as they married, they stopped doing the things that made them fall in love in the first place. No more dates. No more long conversations discovering each other. No more checking in with each other about what is going on in their worlds.

Over time, in the absence of emotional connection, they began to shut down. Not doing the things that connects your hearts leads to a barrenness and absence of warmth. Lack of heart connection is the foundation for negative interaction. The longer the lack of connection, the more frequent and intense the pattern of negative interaction.

We believe that almost every broken trust in a marriage can be traced back to a pattern of negative interaction that started with disconnection of the heart.

Five Questions That Will Connect Your Hearts

Life Together Forever Couples Seminar – East Texas

Do you want to take your marriage to the next level?

Do you want to experience relational healing and restoration?

Do you want to strengthen communication and connection?

Then this is the perfect event for you!

Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories.  With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:

  • Doing Life Together Forever
  • Creating a Lifelong Marriage
  • Speaking and Hearing Truth
  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Stress-Less Living
  • Healthy Expectations
  • Courageous Conversations
  • Sex, Love and Romance
  • Relationships God’s Way

August 26, 2017

8:30AM – 3PM

$50 per couples

Summit Heights Fellowship

2340 S FM 2869  Hawkins, TX 75765

Register Now

 

Are You Appreciating Your Spouse?

Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life.   When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.

Life Together Forever Couples Workshop – Houston

Do you want to take your marriage to the next level?

Do you want to experience relational healing and restoration?

Do you want to strengthen communication and connection?

Then this is the perfect event for you!

Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories.  With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:

  • Doing Life Together Forever
  • Creating a Lifelong Marriage
  • Speaking and Hearing Truth
  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Stress-Less Living
  • Healthy Expectations
  • Courageous Conversations
  • Sex, Love and Romance
  • Relationships God’s Way

September 16, 2017

$50 per couples

West Houston Church of Christ

17100 West Rd Houston, TX 77095

 

Register Now

 

Take Care Of Your Self For A Better Marriage

We remember being brought up singing a song at Vacation Bible Schools and Christian camps that had a chorus, “J.O.Y. – Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last.” That last part is a mantra that social pressures also give young men and women. In order to succeed, you must meet all the expectations of others in your life.

When Did Self Care Become Narcissistic?

Somewhere along the way, we began to believe that anything other than meeting the expectations of others meant that we were selfish, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. We do our very best, at the expense of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health, to perform up to expectations at school, home, work, and in our social group.

Over time, we ended up trying harder, occasionally failing, trying even harder, and occasionally failing and trying even harder. Women focus on being perfect in their jobs, marriages, parenting, churches, and social group. Men focus on meeting the expectations of leader, husband, father and masculinity.

You Can’t Take Care Of Others If You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12:30-31 (Message)

Change Is So Hard In A Relationship

Change is especially difficult in our most important relationships  You will find challenges in implementing a new way of interacting with each other over the issues that cause you and your spouse so much pain. It is normal for you to struggle with the change, and in fact it can be even more difficult to make the change stick.

Change is difficult!

You did not always know how to tie your shoelaces. In fact, there was a time when you did not know that you did not know how to tie your shoelaces. You were fine with not tying shoelaces. You were unconsciously incompetent at tying shoelaces.

The Daily Check In

One of the practices that we do every day to connect at the heart level is to check in with each other.  Checking in with each other is a way to talk about all the things that are going on “out there” so that we can create “We-ness” together.  It is also a way for us to be clear about our own emotions and not cloud them with issues with our spouse.

When a spouse returns from work and has a scowl on their face, what you do think their spouse thinks about what is going on?  Usually they think that the scowling spouse is upset with them in some way.  And they might be, but most of the time that assumption is wrong.  One of the good things that happens when we check in with each other is that we learn what that emotion is about, and usually, that it is not about us.

You may have returned home one day after a very bad day at work and when your spouse asked about your day, you barked at them.  That is something that happens with all couples.  Anger or hurt about things at work get transferred and communicated, intentionally or intentionally, toward your spouse.  You end up hurting the very person whom God put in your life to help you.

The Daily Check In is a way you can become aware of and communicate what is going on in your head and heart in a way that your spouse can support you and understand you.

Check In With Yourself First

Bitterness Is Killing Your Marriage

Don and Libby were sitting in our office in a Marriage Intensive in the aftermath of an affair. Libby had contacted a divorce attorney and they agreed to go to counseling for the first time ever in their 22 years of marriage.  Don was wrong to have the affair. But as you know from reading our articles, an affair or financial mistrust rarely happens in healthy marriages.

Somewhere in the midst of describing all the pain, Libby said, “I still can’t believe that he took that job. I told him that I didn’t want him to take the job and he took it any way.” The job he took was over 12 years ago.

As the day progressed, it became obvious that her resentment in those early years had created a negative pattern of interacting between them. Libby’s resentment and bitterness kept her from truly connecting with him emotionally. She began to talk bad about him to other people, eliminate kindness toward him, and use the threat of divorce when they were in an argument. And their emotional and physical connection began to deteriorate to the point that neither really liked the other any more.

Prayer Changes Your Marriage

Donna complained that her “so called” Christian husband was a “hypocrite”. Her heart was hard and critical because she did not experience him as the spiritual leader in the home that she had always expected. When asked about how her frustration was impacting her and how she interacted with him, she shared that she does not want to be around him, she has long periods where she does not like him, and she has little interest in being physically intimate with him.

God changes you, your marriage, and your relationship with Him when you pray for your spouse!