Your Friend’s Wrong Marriage Advice

Cindy was sitting on the other side of the couch with tears running down her face.  “When I told my best friend Lisa about my unhappy marriage, she told me I should look into what it would cost for a divorce and handed me a phone number of the attorney she used.”

“All I wanted was for Lisa to give me some support.”  Cindy made that call to the attorney’s office who’s sales focused incoming calls receptionist talked her into a face to face, no obligation, free meeting with them to learn more about it.  During the appointment, the divorce attorney’s staff focused on the problems in the marriage and encouraged her to proceed with signing them as her representation just in case things ever proceeded.

Make It Better By Doing It Together

There are huge differences between men and women when discussing the concept of emotional intimacy. To most women, it usually means sharing secret things of the heart, talking things over, and affection such as cuddling.

There was a long running beer commercial where a man was alone out in nature, fishing or hunting, and as he opened his drink he would proclaim, “It just doesn’t get any better than this.” But most men would disagree. It could get a lot better, if his wife would join him and enthusiastically share in the activity.

Men are bent toward action and they feel emotionally connected when doing things together.   Husbands feel closest to their wives when they are working together on landscaping, going to see a movie, enjoying a recreational activity. According to William F. Harley Jr., (His Needs Her Needs) “Spending recreational time with his spouse is second only to sex for the typical husband. “

Couples Who Play Together Stay Together

Marriage Survival Tips For Retirement

Daniel called for a marriage intensive. His wife of 39 years had moved to their lake house to think about whether or not she was going to stay or divorce. He had recently took an early retirement package and was struggling with the transition.

When we met with Daniel and Liz, we discovered a huge disconnect between what each thought retirement years would look like and what roles they assumed each person would have. Daniel struggled with finding a new purpose and identity. Liz felt suffocated and smothered by his desire to be with her all the time.

Another Family Transition Stressor

There are several major family transition times that create stress for marriage. Like having a baby or moving into empty nest season, retirement puts pressure on the marriage relationship. It is one of the times in marriages that either pull spouses toward God and each other, or move them away or against each other.

Tips For Surviving Retirement Transition

Affair Recovery For The Betraying Spouse

Leo did not know what to do. He has slipped into a brief affair. When Sylvia discovered it, he lied and tried to cover it up. Two weeks later he broke and confessed all. She was devastated. Thankfully she contacted us for a Marriage Intensive.

Trust break of any kind are significant traumas to the relationship. The natural reaction is a long period where nothing the betraying spouse does or says is accepted in truth. In fact, the betrayed spouse reviews all the memories of the relationship to date, questioning whether the betraying spouse was lying all along.

The Truth About Rebuilding Trust

  1. Affair recovery is possible. We have worked with hundreds of couples in our marriage intensive, one couple at a time, who have moved through the recovery process and now have a stronger and better marriage.
  2. Affair recovery is a process, not an event. It will not happen all at once in a meeting. Forgiveness and reconciliation is not possible with a single conversation. There are no magic words, or magic pills, that will automatically bring trust back into the relationship.
  3. The affair recovery process takes time. Forgiveness and reconciliation will take an average of two to five years. Like any trauma, reactions to triggers will vary in length and intensity. Every data point related to the affair will serve as a possible trauma trigger.
‘All of you should treat each other with humility, for as it says in Proverbs, God opposes the proud but offers grace to the humble.’ I Peter 5:5 (VOICE)

Betrayer’s Trust Building Responsibilities

Super Bowl Game For Your Marriage

Every year the Super Bowl becomes an anxiety producing event for married couples.  She’s worried about what to wear and whether or not the right mix of people will work at the party.  He’s worried if he will get the best seat and have his favorite foods and drinks.  He’s worried that she will talk through the game and interrupt the festivities with drama.  She’s worried that he will drink too much, ignore her or embarrass her.

What if the Super Bowl was something that could move you toward your spouse?  We started this game a few years ago and began sharing it with other couples.  You and your spouse can play this game “on the down low”, without any other couples knowing what is going on.  Or you can invite all of the married couples to play along.

The Super Bowl Marriage Game

  • Kiss every time either team scores.
  • Hug once second per point scored.
  • Give each other one compliment or appreciation for every point scored in the game. This can happen after the game at another time.
  • Plan at least one date in the next twelve months for every time your team scores.This can happen after the game at another time.
  • Plan one weekend getaway for every safety.This can happen after the game at another time.

Dating For Life Together Forever

Remember when you first began to fall in love. It seemed like you couldn’t keep your future spouse off of your mind. When you were together, it was like there was no one else in the world. When you were apart, you could not wait to be back together again.

You may have had a love song tying you together. You probably had a favorite hang out or activity that you did together. You may have written notes or texts or emails to each other frequently. You probably called each other special “pet” names.

Dating Challenge

Once you moved from dating to a committed relationship, it seemed like distance began to grow. You stopped dating and focused on wedding planning. You picked a living space and honey moon location. You worked on a budget together. You stopped connecting and started making decisions together.

The challenge of life together forever is that you become so focused on managing your life together that you stop connecting with each other. You stop dating. And when you date, you end up in an argument. One is upset at the other at the end of the night. It feels like nothings working.

Date Night Rules

Wishing You A Very Merry Christmas

Luke 2:1-20  

Around the time of Elizabeth’s amazing pregnancy and John’s birth, the emperor in Rome, Caesar Augustus, required everyone in the Roman Empire to participate in a massive census— the first census since Quirinius had become governor of Syria. Each person had to go to his or her ancestral city to be counted.

This political background isn’t incidental: it is crucial to the story. Conquering nations in the ancient world work in various ways. Some brutally destroy and plunder the nations they conquer. Some conquer people as slaves or servants. Other empires allow the people to remain in their land and work as before, but with one major change: the conquered people have to pay taxes to their rulers. The purpose of a census like the one Luke de-scribes is to be sure that everyone is appropriately taxed and knows who is in charge.

4-5 Mary’s fiancé Joseph, from Nazareth in Galilee, had to participate in the census in the same way everyone else did. Because he was a descendant of King David, his ancestral city was Bethlehem, David’s birthplace. Mary, who was now late in her pregnancy that the messenger Gabriel had predictedaccompanied Joseph. While in Bethlehem, she went into labor and gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped the baby in a blanket and laid Him in a feeding trough because the inn had no room for them.

Nearby, in the fields outside of Bethlehem, a group of shepherds were guarding their flocks from predators in the darkness of night. Suddenly a messenger of the Lord stood in front of them, and the darkness was replaced by a glorious light—the shining light of God’s glory. They were terrified!

Messenger: 10 Don’t be afraid! Listen! I bring good news, news of great joy, news that will affect all people everywhere. 11 Today, in the city of David, a Liberator has been born for you! He is the promised Anointed One, the Supreme Authority! 12 You will know you have found Him when you see a baby, wrapped in a blanket, lying in a feeding trough.

13 At that moment, the first heavenly messenger was joined by thousands of other messengers—a vast heavenly choir. They praised God.

14 Heavenly Choir: To the highest heights of the universe, glory to God!
    And on earth, peace among all people who bring pleasure to God!

15 As soon as the heavenly messengers disappeared into heaven, the shepherds were buzzing with conversation.

Shepherds: Let’s rush down to Bethlehem right now! Let’s see what’s happening! Let’s experience what the Lord has told us about!

16 So they ran into town, and eventually they found Mary and Joseph and the baby lying in the feeding trough. After they saw the baby, 17 they spread the story of what they had experienced and what had been said to them about this child. 18 Everyone who heard their story couldn’t stop thinking about its meaning. 19 Mary, too, pondered all of these events, treasuring each memory in her heart.

20 The shepherds returned to their flocks, praising God for all they had seen and heard, and they glorified God for the way the experience had unfolded just as the heavenly messenger had predicted.

(VOICE)

The Voice Bible Copyright © 2012 Thomas Nelson, Inc. The Voice™ translation © 2012 Ecclesia Bible Society All rights reserved.

Free Relationship Tips For You!

Marriage is hard.  Relationships are difficult.  If you do nothing it devolves into pain. If you try to do something, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.  And sometimes encouragement seems to be missing from our friends, family members and spouse.  It is up to each spouse to find encouragement and find hope in a difficult challenging moment.

That is exactly why we develop and share relationship tips.  Originally we developed over 150 but now we have more than enough for one a day for a year.  And we post them regularly to encourage couples  for free on our social media posts.

How can you get your free relationship tips?

Like “LifeTogetherForever” on Facebook.

Follow @MarriageChamp on Twitter

Add +RoynDev on Google Plus

Follow LifeTogether on Pinterest

Share LifeTogetherForever on Instagram

Enjoy these tips to give you a pick-up in your relationship day by day and week by week.    Use them to continue to create the relationship your heart desires most!

Prioritize The Meaning Of Christmas

Christmas is the one time each year all over the world that attention is paid to the story of Christ coming to earth. It is ultimately a story of sacrifice and love. It is because He came into the world that we understand grace, mercy, and unconditional love. It is because He came into the world to die, be raised and give us redemption that we find peace and joy no matter the circumstances.

Christmas time is a painful time for many. It holds memories of those who have passed as well as those that have left our lives. Many have horrible memories of the holidays with stressful family times. We end up sitting next to someone at the dinner table we would not have in our lives if they were not related. We have uncomfortable conversations about topics we usually avoid.

Christmas time is stressful with all of the long To-Do lists. Decorating, Christmas shopping, wrapping, Church programs, card writing, cooking, traveling, etc.! It is a tough time of year!

Keep The Meaning of Christmas This Year

When Your Spouse Doesn’t Have Any Common Sense

Jessica was on the phone with us scheduling a Marriage Intensive. “Austin doesn’t really love me because if he did I would not have to tell him to do the things that any man who loves his wife would do.”

For the first few years after Jessica and Austin married, nine years ago, Jessica felt like they were truly in love with each other. But for the last seven years, Jessica has been repeatedly hurt by his unwillingness “to love me”. This has built such resentment and bitterness in her heart that affects everything.

Holding onto past hurts and allowing resentment to build in your heart makes you act in ways that pushes your spouse away from you. Eventually it leads to, at best, a home with two people living independent parallel lives, or at worse, actions that finalize the end of the marriage in very hurtful ways.

Common Sense Is Not Common

Like Jessica and Austin, every marriage has dashed expectations. When the movie playing in your head about how you and your spouse should interact and what each should do does not happen, it can be very hurtful.

You assume that the movie playing in your head about how things should happen is the same movie playing in your spouse’s head. But it is not. And it is not the same movie playing in everyone else’s head.

The Movie Playing In Your Head