Every couple has struggles.
Every spouse feels, at one time or another, like quitting.
Relationships are hard. Doing life together forever is one of the greatest challenges in life.
Looking For Help In All The Wrong Places
When a spouse is struggling in their relationship, they will seek help. This usually begins by searching on the internet for relationship articles addressing their issue. They also search through magazines and books for some source of information that may be helpful.
Loyce was angry when she called for a marriage intensive. She and Chris had a rocky six year marriage. She said, “I feel stuck with Chris and he treats me so bad. I can’t do anything right.” As the parent of an eighteen month old and three year old, she did not believe she had any financial options.
When we met with Chris and Loyce for the marriage intensive, we learned that they were in a messy pattern of interacting that we have noticed in many couples over the years.
Becoming A Victim
When we experience something uninvited, unexpected, traumatic or conflict in our marriage, sometimes we drop into a victim role. We react to our world and our spouse by moving to a place or situation with few options.
It is amazing to consider how it is that God made us to be so attracted to people who are different from us. In fact, most of our early attraction includes a decision to find people who are not like the parts of ourselves we least like. Back in the beginning of your relationship, the ways in which your spouse was different from you were interesting. You were curious and somewhat excited to discover why they are like that and to see how they are in other areas. You liked what was different than you in your future spouse.
Any two people living under the same roof will disagree!
While not all children of divorce fit these statistics, it is important to realize the uphill battle children of any age will face when their parents divorce. Before you decide to divorce, consider the impact on your children. Why not try one last effort to turn it around with one of our Marriage Intensives?
The Effect of Divorce On Children
‘For I, the God of Israel, hate divorce! I, the Commander of heavenly armies, despise it when people wrap themselves in violence like a garment. So guard yourselves; be true to your wife and not unfaithful.’ Malachi 2:16 NIV
Douglas and Georgia’s marriage of eleven years was on the rocks. Douglas had been concerned about her inattention at home due to her lengthy texting conversations with someone at work. When she left it unattended, he glanced through her cell phone. What he found shook his understanding of their relationship. Lengthy racy messages with a coworker left him feeling hurt, angry and betrayed.
In the following weeks, Georgia admitted an emotional affair and begged for forgiveness. Douglas stated that he had forgiven her, but occasionally withdrew into anger and hurt. Anytime she picked up her phone to text her sister or mother, Douglas asked to see it.
Georgia called for a marriage intensive, stating, “He hasn’t really forgiven me or he’d let this go.” She felt frustrated that even thought she ended the relationship and asked for forgiveness, he kept bringing it up.
Throughout the day long marriage intensive, we helped them discover the differences between forgiveness, trust and reconciliation and began the process of creating a new future together.
When Trust Is Betrayed
Daniel and Sheri had drifted apart over the course of their seventeen year marriage. She felt deeply disconnected from him. Anytime she attempted to bring up an issue or resolve a problem with him, he distanced himself from her. He was hardly home longer than necessary as he dove into his career. Although he was a great provider and a good father to their three children, she felt alone.
Daniel was frustrated with his marriage. Almost every interaction with Sheri led to her belittling him. He felt like he was holding up his part in the relationship by providing so well for his family, but she had changed. Their early years were sexually enjoyable but he felt like she had turned the marriage bed into a monthly chore she endured.
When Hurricane Harvey dumped over forty inches of rain in their neighborhood, their home took on three feet of water. They had moved as much as they could upstairs but so much of their furniture and home was lost. Sitting in a distant relatives living room, turned bedroom, he told her that their marriage was a sham and he intended to file for divorce the coming week.
Jillian and Randall called for a Marriage Intensive. He explained that early in their marriage he began to believe that he was unattractive, repulsive and unwanted as Jillian bristled at his requests for sexual activity. Jillian could not understand why her husband never approached her for sex anymore and suspected that he had another lover or a porn addiction.
Jillian and Randall are like so many other couples who are experiencing the pain of a sexless marriage. Over the course of a very hard day of work in the Marriage Intensive, they both found some healing personally and then in their relationship, and built a new future together.
Darla was angry. She told us that her husband did not understand her and she did not feel like he ever would. She wondered if he loved her as she told us countless examples of his inattention to her needs. And when he finally asked her out on a date, it was to something that he knew she hated. She was done.
On a good day, enjoy yourself; on a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days so that we won’t take anything for granted. Ecclesiastes 7:14 MSG
Do you want to take your marriage to the next level?
Do you want to experience relational healing and restoration?
Do you want to strengthen communication and connection?
Then this is the perfect event for you!
Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories. With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:
- Doing Life Together Forever
- Creating a Lifelong Marriage
- Speaking and Hearing Truth
- Forgiveness and Reconciliation
- Stress-Less Living
- Healthy Expectations
- Courageous Conversations
- Sex, Love and Romance
- Relationships God’s Way
September 16, 2017
$50 per couples
West Houston Church of Christ
17100 West Rd Houston, TX 77095
Don and Libby were sitting in our office in a Marriage Intensive in the aftermath of an affair. Libby had contacted a divorce attorney and they agreed to go to counseling for the first time ever in their 22 years of marriage. Don was wrong to have the affair. But as you know from reading our articles, an affair or financial mistrust rarely happens in healthy marriages.
Somewhere in the midst of describing all the pain, Libby said, “I still can’t believe that he took that job. I told him that I didn’t want him to take the job and he took it any way.” The job he took was over 12 years ago.
As the day progressed, it became obvious that her resentment in those early years had created a negative pattern of interacting between them. Libby’s resentment and bitterness kept her from truly connecting with him emotionally. She began to talk bad about him to other people, eliminate kindness toward him, and use the threat of divorce when they were in an argument. And their emotional and physical connection began to deteriorate to the point that neither really liked the other any more.