For decades, research focused on why mothers are central to children. It is a no-brainer that moms play a critical role in parenting and child development. Sometimes single moms tell us that they are “the mother and the father.” They may be doing double duty, but mom cannot replace dad. In the past few decades research has revealed that “father need” is as central to children as “mother need.”

Child outcomes are significantly different when Dad is in the home and engaged with their child. While many people who have grown up without a father have beat the statistical odds and are great people, children who have an actively involved father in their lives are:

• Less likely to become obese
• Less likely to live in poverty
• More likely to achieve academic potential
• Less likely to have behavioral problems in school
• Less likely to be involved in the juvenile justice system
• Less likely to be a teen parent
• More likely to graduate from high school and attend college
• Less likely to engage in violence
• Less likely to be incarcerated as an adult
• More likely to be a better man himself

Dads make a difference by working on their marriage and moving toward their spouse. The greatest gift a father can give their children is to love their mother.   Dads make a difference when they engage in play, discipline, faith development, and encouragement. Dads make a difference when they are involved in their child’s educational and social worlds.

Roy has written a curriculum for expectant and new fathers titled “Full Throttle Into Fatherhood” which has been presented in Carenet Pregnancy Centers and Juvenile Justice Facilities. You can learn more about this effective curriculum in the store.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers. What other suggestions you would add to this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2017. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.

There is no Mother’s Day Manual For Dads. Most new and young dads make rookie mistakes. Those of us who have been married a few decades have figured out how to get through Mother’s Day without having major snafus. Here are some easy tips to help set you up for success with this year’s Mother’s Day.

Making Mother’s Day Successful

Your Wife Before Your Mom – Putting your wife, the mother of your children, before your mom is very important on Mother’s Day. You can still call your mom, but consider sending cards or gifts to her before Mother’s Day so you can focus exclusively on your wife.

Speak Her Love Language – She will receive love best on Mother’s Day if it is spoken in her language. If you don’t know her love language, you can probably figure it out by reading this article. Once you figure it out, help the children speak Mother’s Day in that language.

Give Her A Break – You and the children are responsible for all her regular chores on Mother’s Day. Everything from waking and dressing the children to cooking, cleaning and making the bed. If there is a weekly chore that she usually does on Sunday, just telling her not to do it means she’ll have to do it later. Instead do it for her. There should be no mention of any chore to her any part of the day.

Mommy “Me” Time – You might think Moms want to spend time with their children on mothers day. That is usually only true on the first Mother’s Day and not true again until they are in their mid teens. Give Mom a break and let her have some “Me” time with some of her girlfriends doing something she loves.

Always Honor Her – Every Mother’s Day requires you to honor her. If she doesn’t like gifts or cards, you need to hand write a note or card honoring all she does as a mother. Thank her for being the best mother your children could ever have.

Reassess The Chore List – One of the big gifts Dads can give their wife is to reassess the chore list and bring balance to the family chores. So many Moms are overwhelmed on a weekly basis and struggle to find the balance between taking care of themselves and being the Mom and wife they want to be. Take note of all she does and find a way to pick up more of the ongoing responsibilities for parenting and home management. It will be a constant reminder of your love for her.

Gifts Can Be Tricky 

Subtle Hints – has she recently talked about oohed and aahhed about or taken you shopping to show you something she’d really love to have or do? Take the hint and check your budget to see what the possibilities are to get it for her.

Ask Her Entourage. You know who her confidants are. Ask her sister, mother or best friend for any advice. Anything they tell you would be secondary to what she is actually saying to you so be careful to take it as a suggestion, not an order.

“Don’t Buy Me Anything” – Usually when she makes such a declaration, it is about the budget. Make sure you do something but keep the budget in mind.

• Picture & Frame – A family picture in a nice frame is a nice inexpensive gift. If you can make the frame with some descriptive words about her from the children along the frame, that will mean so much to her.
• Homemade Crafts – Almost anything that you can help the children make for their Mom will be greatly appreciated.
• Jar Full Of Love – You and the children could make a list of all the reasons why you love her, type and cut them up into individual words or phrases and put them in a jar for her to read over the year.
• Homemade Card – You can make a huge card with a poster board folded in half. Have the children draw on the card and then you all write inside.
• Coupons – Give her an envelope full of coupons with commitments from the children and you for hugs, time together, chores she usually does, “Mommy Me” time away from the family, etc.
• Hand Picked Flowers – Take the children around town looking for flowers and pick a few here and there for a homemade bouquet of locally grown flowers.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers. What other suggestions you would add to this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2017. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.

One of our favorite books by Ron is “Loving Her: 30 days to a more loving relationship with your wife”. It is a month of daily reading with action steps husbands can take to strengthen their relationship with their wife.

Rediscovering Your Wife
One of the most important things a husband can realize is that they have so much to yet discover about their wife. Here are a few nuggets from “Loving Her”.

• You wife is not a trophy! You did not win her in a contest. She is not to be proudly displayed for a time and then put into a storage crate. She is an ongoing gift from God that you have a lifetime of unwrapping.
• Your wife is not a warden! You are not in a prison. Your wife is not the “bad guy” you have to sneak around and not the enemy you have to fight through to win freedom. She is the key to you no longer being in the prison of loneliness and disconnection.
• Your wife is not a ball and chain! Your marriage is not a trap that you need to escape from. She is your adventure in life that makes you feel alive.
• Life is full of imperfections! Your wife is not perfect, but she is perfect for you. You are not perfect and sharing your imperfections with her deeply connects you two.
• Commitment is Always! Commitment is beyond the momentary challenges. Commitment is when you are together and when you are apart. Commitment includes when “she’ll never find out” and when you are alone or out of town.
• God put her in your life to make you a better man. God built her to highlight your growth opportunities. Husbands who listen to their wives become better men. Husbands who resist, push back and deny, never grow.
• “You’re right” and “I’m sorry” are powerful. Be courageous and take ownership where you can. Your strength shows best when you step into responsibility for your actions.
• Move toward her in a crisis. When you feel like your marriage is the most vulnerable, or you know you have hurt her heart, move toward her with gentleness, warmth, grace and love.
• Give her a future together. Dream and re-dream together. Make sure she is a part of your future in all of your plans.
• Create team spirit. Work to show your support of the ups and downs of life. Share your challenges with her. Create we-ness to face the challenges of the world.
• Accept her where she is. You will not change her. What she needs most from you is acceptance that you love her just as she is.
• Lead collaboratively. Involve her in the decision making, but take the lead in having the important conversations.
• Forgive first. Show grace and forgive before she even asks. Forgive and forgive again.
• Build faith. Continue to grow in your relationship with God and be a partner in your wife’s faith growth.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers.  What on the list of suggestions have you tried?  What could you do more of, or better in? What other suggestions you would add to this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.

As an intelligent leader who had held her own in a corporate job before focusing on raising children, she knew she would have a better chance of telling him how she feels if she kept her emotions in check. So she asked him if they could talk and began telling him about her stressful day of caregiving. In the middle of her report she realized that his eyes were moving from the television to his phone and back to the television. He was facing the television and rarely turned his head toward her face. And she felt like she was not being heard.

What Lisa wanted more than anything else in that moment was to experience what we call “full body attention”.   She wanted him to show her in every way possible that she had his undivided attention. She wanted to know that there was nothing in the world more important or of a higher priority to him than what she had to say.

Full Body Attention

Full body attention is how we tell our spouse they are the most important and highest priority in our world in that moment.

• Full body attention is not a military salute or some new sexual description.
• It is the process of physical turning and fully facing our spouse.
• It includes turning off or pausing devices like cell phones and televisions, making direct eye contact, and moving close (within arm’s reach) to our spouse.
• Full body attention is the means by which we communicate unequivocally an unambiguously that what our spouse is telling us is the most important and highest priority in our world at that moment.

7:24

Couples Communication Chairs

On our Life Together Forever couples weekends and in our Marriage Saving Intensives, we actually have couples sit in chairs that are strategically placed in the formation we call the “Couples Communication Chairs.” It is a very specific chair placement that elicits full body attention. It also is an easy way for each spouse to know that the discussion and information is important.

Although they are not common today, chairs were manufactured for hundreds of years to help couples have intimate conversations. First reportedly called, “Tete-a-tete” chairs (French for “face-to-face”) antiques are sold today as “Conversation” or “Courting ” chairs. Whatever you call them, your marriage needs more full body attention!

In our experience working with thousands of couples, we have been amazed to see couples in struggle be able to sit in this configuration, show each other full body attention, and work toward a future together. They have shared how they were able to have the conversation they never thought was possible because each spouse gave the other full body attention. We have seen tears and angry facial expressions turn into affectionate touching, hugging and kissing.

If you run into these antique chairs, send us a picture of you two sitting in them. And next time your spouse begins telling you something, try giving them the full body attention you know that your relationship really deserves. Let us know how it goes!

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers.  Has your spouse ever told you that they don’t feel like you are listening to them? Have you ever felt like your spouse is not listening to you?  Have you and your husband ever set in the couples communication chairs to have a discussion, how did it go?  Will you try giving Full Body Attention during your next conversation with your spouse?  What would you add to our suggestions?  Do you know someone who you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.

We believe that when a man seeks to marry, he wants to be a good husband. But too often he is ill equipped to be all that his spouse needs and wants. And it is unrealistic to meet a moving target of what it means to be a man, much less, a husband.

1950’s Assessment of What It Means To Be A Good Husband

Dr. George Crane published a test for husbands in the 1950s. Here are some of the items on the list:

Positive Attributes:

• Ardent lover – sees that wife has orgasm in marital congress.
• Tries to keep wife equipped with modern labor saving devices.
• Gives wife ample allowance or turns pay check over to her.
• Interested in athletics.
• Willing to shopping with wife.
• Neat in appearance – shoes shined, hair cut, suit pressed.
• A fast and efficient worker, not that puttering sort.
• Willingly prepares own breakfast.
• Well liked by men, courageous – not a sissy.
• Eats whatever is served to him without grumbling or criticism.
• Gives wife real movie kisses not dutiful ”peck” on the cheek.
• If wife is ill, phones from work to inquire about her.

Negative Attributes:

• Dislikes children, or scolds them too harshly.
• Stares at or flirts with other women while out with wife.
• Compares wife unfavorably with mother or other wives.
• Publicly praises bachelor days and regrets having married.
• Fails to bathe or change socks often enough.
• Picks teeth, nose or sucks on teeth when in public.
• Blames wife for everything that goes wrong.
• Angry if newspaper is disarranged.
• Talks of efficiency of stenographer or other women.
• Teases wife regarding fatness, slowness, etc.,
• Too much a bookworm – doesn’t talk to wife enough.

Modern Definition Of A Good Husband

Hopefully we have moved past those definitions today. But when we searched for current lists, here’s what we found. Hubpages.com came up with a list of qualities to be “the perfect one”.

1. Be Pleasant
2. Respect The Vows
3. Reliable, Responsible and Supportive
4. Adaptability and Sensitivity
5. Show Respect
6. Judgment and Emotional Baggage
7. Communication
8. Love and Affection
9. Offer Protection
10. Give Her Space
11. Keep Her Happy In Bed

Be The Best Man You Can Be

Being a good husband begins with being the best man we can be. A good husband continues to grow into what it means to be like Christ. We grow in our relationship with God and continue to work on being the man God built us to be.

Be Safe

Being a good husband means being the type of man that creates safety in his home. It means being honorable and trustworthy. It means doing what we say and living by what we expect her and others in our home to do. It means that we are reliable.

Be Committed

Being a good husband means maintaining our cognitive desire to be committed to her and our wedding vows. It means knowing that there is hardly anything that we cannot work through together. It means always moving toward our spouse, even if that means telling on our self.

Be Connecting

Being a good husband means connecting with our wives on an emotional level. It means trying to understand what is going on in her head and heart, without offering “fix” it advice. It means being open about what is going on in our head and heart so that she can feel connected to you.

Be First

Being a good husband means making the first move to overcome challenges in the marriage. It means offering an apology first. It means investing in meeting her needs first, instead of waiting on her to meet our needs first. It means accepting responsibility for the state of our marriage and taking action to create the marriage God intended for us.

Be Passionate

Being a good husband means connecting with our spouse physically. It means moving to meet her stated physical needs in the ways in which she makes known. It means having conversations outside of the bedroom about our sexual life so that we can both meet each other’s sexual needs.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers. Do you agree that the definition of what it means to be a good husband is a moving target?  What would you add to our suggestions about what it means to be a good husband?  Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.

For decades, research focused on why mothers are central to children. It is a no-brainer that moms play a critical role in parenting and child development. Sometimes single moms tell us that they are “the mother and the father.” They may be doing double duty, but mom cannot replace dad. In the past few decades research has revealed that “father need” is as central to children as “mother need.”

Child outcomes are significantly different when Dad is in the home and engaged with their child. Children who have an actively involved father in their life are:

• Less likely to become obese
• Less likely to live in poverty
• More likely to achieve academic potential
• Less likely to have behavioral problems in school
• Less likely to be involved in the juvenile justice system
• Less likely to be a teen parent
• More likely to graduate from high school and attend college
• Less likely to engage in violence
• Less likely to be incarcerated as an adult
• More likely to be a better man himself

Dads make a difference by working on their marriage and moving toward their spouse. The greatest gift a father can give their children is to love their mother.   Dads make a difference when they engage in play, discipline, faith development, and encouragement. Dads make a difference when they are involved in their child’s educational and social worlds.

Roy has written a curriculum for expectant and new fathers titled “Full Throttle Into Fatherhood” which has been presented in Carenet Pregnancy Centers and Juvenile Justice Facilities. You can learn more about this effective curriculum in the store.

We love to hear from readers.  We would like to know about dads doing it well. Dads, how are you giving your children what they need from you? Moms, what is the dad of your children doing well?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2015. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.