When Your Husband Refuses To Be The Spiritual Leader of the Home

Beverly called to schedule a Marriage Intensive. “I’m a very strong Christian but my husband refuses to be the spiritual leader of our home.” Over the next few minutes she described how this issue was negatively affecting every part of their marriage relationship.

Jeff and Beverly had different approaches to their relationship with God.

  • Beverly enjoys daily time reading the Bible and Jeff listens to sermons on the way to work every morning.
  • Beverly is at almost every event at church and Jeff attends those that he could be of service in some way.
  • Beverly loves attending worship service and emotionally responds to worship music while Jeff seems totally un-phased and stoic during worship music time.
  • Beverly feels filled-up after attending events with several teachers while Jeff has trouble sitting and paying attention more than about thirty minutes and returns home drained.
  • Beverly wants Jeff to approach every problem in their marriage first with a prayer while Jeff is happy with praying together at meal times and on special occasions.
  • Beverly’s connects with God in solitude, prayer, reading the Bible and corporate worship while Jeff feels closest to God when he is serving other people or viewing God’s beautiful creating outdoors.

Demanding Your Spouse Loves God The Same Way You Do

Beverly has bought into an approach that is ruining her marriage. She wants her husband to love God in exactly the same way she does. When he does not, she demands him to change.

Like Beverly and Jeff, there are many couples that are committed to their marriage but struggle with this issue that causes pain in many areas of the relationship.

  • She resents that he will not be more spiritual and lead the family in her definition of spirituality.
  • He feels criticized that he cannot do it right or well enough to be the husband that she wants.
  • She has not romantic feelings for a man who will not lead her spiritually.
  • He wants to spend less time with a critical bitter wife.
  • She interprets that his lack of spirituality is the reason behind almsot every disagreement.
  • He feels like he has to be someone he is not in order to please his wife.
  • She attempts to get him to be the spiritual leader by telling him, sometimes by yelling, that he is not being the Christian husband and father that the family needs.
  • He spends less time with the family and with her in an attempt to protect himself from her hurtful words.

“The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.” I Peter 3:1-8 (VOICE)

When Your Husband Is Not The Spiritual Leader

  • Pray – Visit with God about your relationship and his relationship to God. Pray for your heart and his.
  • Live Godly – It works best when you do marriage God’s way.  Live in such a way that in all your interactions with him, he sees Jesus in you. Live with grace and love. Love unconditionally.
  • Respect Him – Respect your husband and his personal relationship with God. There is no one, right way to worship God except in spirit and in truth. That can be done many ways and your way of doing that is not the only way. Respect that he does not have to love God exactly the way you do.
  • Forgive Him – Have the heart of Jesus and forgive. Where he falls short in spiritual leadership in your eyes, forgive him.
  • Follow Him – When and where he leads spiritually, follow him. Instead of offering criticism about how he should have done it better, encourage him. Become his cheerleader in this area of his life.
  • Continue To Grow – Grow in your relationship with God and with your husband. Take specific actions every day to strengthen your relationship with your husband. Do the things that lead to a life together forever.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers.  Have you noticed resentment about your spouse’s spiritual discipline?  How have you worked through perceived differences between how you worship and love God as a couple? Do you agree that scripture teaches wives to love their husbands even if they love God differently?  What other suggestions you would add to our list? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].

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Category: Creating The Marriage You Want
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