Category Archives: Creating The Marriage You Want

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Dreaming Together Again

Early in our marriage we used to dream about what life would be like when we were our age now. Our dream included writing and speaking. When we were not traveling, our dream included living on a huge ranch with a number of homes with relatives in them. And a small train and train track where grandchildren and elderly parents could easily visit with each other.

Dreaming about what your future will be like with your spouse has incredible power to help keep love alive, strengthen intimacy and deepen commitment. Knowing that you are in your spouse’s dream of their future is just as powerful.   Knowing that you have someone in your life that loves you, wants you to achieve your dreams and helps you reach for your dreams is a great gift in life.

The Rubber Band and Busted Dreams

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10 Reasons For A Sexless Marriage

Jillian and Randall called for a Marriage Intensive.  He explained that early in their marriage he began to believe that he was unattractive, repulsive and unwanted as Jillian bristled at his requests for sexual activity.  Jillian could not understand why her husband never approached her for sex anymore and suspected that he had another lover or a porn addiction.

Jillian and Randall are like so many other couples who are experiencing the pain of a sexless marriage.  Over the course of a very hard day of work in the Marriage Intensive, they both found some healing personally and then in their relationship, and built a new future together.

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Politics And Your Marriage

We rarely speak to political issues on this blog, but there is no doubt the political tension is high and we have witnessed an uptick in political issues affecting marriages in many of our recent Marriage Intensives. Every newscast, social media feed and magazine has a reference to an issue or a politician.

For some, political discourse is a spectator sport. We watch it as if watching our favorite sport contests. Others enjoy the voyeurism of it all. We watch to see the implosions and scandals. Some of us do not care one bit and we hardly ever watch news anymore.

Then there is the political junkie. We listen to talk radio all day and binge watch news supporting our political views and vilifying our foes. We buy the merchandise, go to meetings, give and raise money, and champion the cause of our issues.

‘Listen, don’t get trapped in brainless debates; avoid competition over family trees or pedigrees; stay away from fights and disagreements over the law. They are a waste of your time.’ Titus 3:9 (VOICE)

How Political Issues Can Hurt Your Marriage

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5 Questions You Need To Ask Your Spouse

James and Sara came to a Marriage Intensive after thirteen years of marriage. She felt like she did not have a voice anymore in the marriage and that he would not listen to her. He felt like she did not put any effort into the relationship and would rather spend time with her friends than with him.

Near the end of the first hour, it was obvious what had happened. As soon as they married, they stopped doing the things that made them fall in love in the first place. No more dates. No more long conversations discovering each other. No more checking in with each other about what is going on in their worlds.

Over time, in the absence of emotional connection, they began to shut down. Not doing the things that connects your hearts leads to a barrenness and absence of warmth. Lack of heart connection is the foundation for negative interaction. The longer the lack of connection, the more frequent and intense the pattern of negative interaction.

We believe that almost every broken trust in a marriage can be traced back to a pattern of negative interaction that started with disconnection of the heart.

Five Questions That Will Connect Your Hearts

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Life Together Forever Couples Seminar – East Texas

Do you want to take your marriage to the next level?

Do you want to experience relational healing and restoration?

Do you want to strengthen communication and connection?

Then this is the perfect event for you!

Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories.  With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:

  • Doing Life Together Forever
  • Creating a Lifelong Marriage
  • Speaking and Hearing Truth
  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Stress-Less Living
  • Healthy Expectations
  • Courageous Conversations
  • Sex, Love and Romance
  • Relationships God’s Way

August 26, 2017

8:30AM – 3PM

$50 per couples

Summit Heights Fellowship

2340 S FM 2869  Hawkins, TX 75765

Register Now

 

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Are You Appreciating Your Spouse?

Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life.   When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.

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Life Together Forever Couples Workshop – Houston

Do you want to take your marriage to the next level?

Do you want to experience relational healing and restoration?

Do you want to strengthen communication and connection?

Then this is the perfect event for you!

Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories.  With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:

  • Doing Life Together Forever
  • Creating a Lifelong Marriage
  • Speaking and Hearing Truth
  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Stress-Less Living
  • Healthy Expectations
  • Courageous Conversations
  • Sex, Love and Romance
  • Relationships God’s Way

September 16, 2017

$50 per couples

West Houston Church of Christ

17100 West Rd Houston, TX 77095

 

Register Now

 

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Take Care Of Your Self For A Better Marriage

We remember being brought up singing a song at Vacation Bible Schools and Christian camps that had a chorus, “J.O.Y. – Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last.” That last part is a mantra that social pressures also give young men and women. In order to succeed, you must meet all the expectations of others in your life.

When Did Self Care Become Narcissistic?

Somewhere along the way, we began to believe that anything other than meeting the expectations of others meant that we were selfish, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. We do our very best, at the expense of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health, to perform up to expectations at school, home, work, and in our social group.

Over time, we ended up trying harder, occasionally failing, trying even harder, and occasionally failing and trying even harder. Women focus on being perfect in their jobs, marriages, parenting, churches, and social group. Men focus on meeting the expectations of leader, husband, father and masculinity.

You Can’t Take Care Of Others If You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12:30-31 (Message)
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Change Is So Hard In A Relationship

Change is especially difficult in our most important relationships  You will find challenges in implementing a new way of interacting with each other over the issues that cause you and your spouse so much pain. It is normal for you to struggle with the change, and in fact it can be even more difficult to make the change stick.

Change is difficult!

You did not always know how to tie your shoelaces. In fact, there was a time when you did not know that you did not know how to tie your shoelaces. You were fine with not tying shoelaces. You were unconsciously incompetent at tying shoelaces.

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The Daily Check In

One of the practices that we do every day to connect at the heart level is to check in with each other.  Checking in with each other is a way to talk about all the things that are going on “out there” so that we can create “We-ness” together.  It is also a way for us to be clear about our own emotions and not cloud them with issues with our spouse.

When a spouse returns from work and has a scowl on their face, what you do think their spouse thinks about what is going on?  Usually they think that the scowling spouse is upset with them in some way.  And they might be, but most of the time that assumption is wrong.  One of the good things that happens when we check in with each other is that we learn what that emotion is about, and usually, that it is not about us.

You may have returned home one day after a very bad day at work and when your spouse asked about your day, you barked at them.  That is something that happens with all couples.  Anger or hurt about things at work get transferred and communicated, intentionally or intentionally, toward your spouse.  You end up hurting the very person whom God put in your life to help you.

The Daily Check In is a way you can become aware of and communicate what is going on in your head and heart in a way that your spouse can support you and understand you.

Check In With Yourself First