In our Life Together Forever Weekends, we teach the concept of telling your time what to do. Everyone has 86,400 seconds every day. What you do with your time has to do with your world-view and your priorities.

Reactionary or Intentional World View

Someone who goes through live with a Reactionary World View believes that “everything just happens to me.” They are at the mercy of fate, or others in their lives. They are similar to a ping pong ball changing direction and bouncing off of everything else. They may have dreams and goals, but they have little volition to change their world. They react to what happens instead of making things happen. Their 86,400 seconds every day are filled with things that others want them to do or expectations they place on themselves.

A person with an Intentional World View is able to assess their environment, what is going on in the world around them, and find where they can make choices to impact it. They believe they are creating the world they live in, instead of merely living in a world driving them. They find how they have contributed to the situation they are in and begin taking steps toward their goals and dreams.   Their 86,400 seconds every day are filled with intentional action toward what they want in their lives.

We encourage spouses to “tell your time what to do before you do it.” Most people keep a calendar or schedule of important activities or meetings. We encourage them to take it a step farther and schedule their non-meeting times with action that takes care of themselves and the people they love. To make sure they are using all 86,400 seconds to their best benefit.

How do you use your time?

Take a few seconds and grab a pen and paper. Draw a circle that represents all 86,400 seconds. Now, divide the circle like a pie, into pieces that represent how many of the 86,400 seconds you use to do different things. Start with SLEEP, then add WORK, FAMILY, SELF-CARE, COUPLE TIME, AND PLAY. If there is another area that seems to consume a chunk of your time, add it to your pie. Keep working on it until you have a pie chart that represents how you use your time now.

 Researchers, like The Gottman Institute, tells us that couples who do live together forever and have successful marriage relationships spend a minimum of 12-15 hours of non-sleep, non-TV time together each week. Other research reveals that the old adage, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” has some merit. Taking care of yourself helps you bring the best you into your marriage relationship.

Some ways you can sneak in time together include spending 10-20 minutes a day in a daily “stress reducing conversation” taking turns talking just about anything but your relationship with each other.  You can also spend 4-8 minutes a day in how you leave and reconnect with each other after/before sleep and work. A couple hours of a date night using Conversation Starters and not talking about household management or issues is a great use of time. There are many others in the Creating The Marriage You Want section of this website.

How do you want to use your time?

Now take a few more minutes and grab your pen and paper again. Draw a new pie that represents all 86,400 seconds. Divide your pie into pieces that represent how many of the 86,400 seconds you want to use to do different things. Us the same categories that you used in the first circle. Keep working on it until you have a pie chart that represents how you want to use your time going forward.

You are the creator of your future. If your marriage is important and you want a healthy marriage in the future, make sure it is represented in your time chart. Use the ideas in the Creating The Marriage You Want section of this website to convert your pie chart into your calendar of marriage enriching activities.   Become intentional about your marriage and see what happens.

We love to hear from readers.  What would you add to our list of helpful ways to put time to use in creating the marriage that you want? If you tried this exercise, how did it go for you? What happened for you when you attempted to put these ideas into practice in your marriage?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2015. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].