We rehearse our last interactions with our spouse. Whatever we experienced in our relationship plays like a song stuck in our heads all day long. Our interactions, however brief, impact what we think about our spouse throughout the day.
The Pattern of Negative Interaction Cycle
When you think negatively about your spouse most of the day, how do you think you will interact with them when you get home? Of course you will interact in a negative way. The negative thoughts drive a negative interaction.
Your negativity begets negativity which results in you rehearsing more negative thoughts when you are away from them. And the cycle continues until you are absolutely convinced that you married the wrong person, your spouse must change for you to be happy, and you have no like, or love, toward them at all.
What you focus on creates the marriage relationship. Your continual focus on the most negative aspects of your relationship causes you to interact in such a way that you create more negative experiences.
You created the marriage relationship you are in. If you do not like it, you need to change what you are doing. You need to try something different. You need to take a step back from blaming your spouse and take unilateral action to begin to create the marriage you really want.
Two Questions To Turn Your Marriage Around
There are two questions to ask yourself every day that will change your marriage. It changes your marriage because it changes the focus of your thoughts away from the negativity your rehears and play over and over in your head all day. It changes your marriage because it changes the focus of your thoughts toward what is going right.
- What good thing happened in the last twenty-four hours in my marriage?
- What will I do in the next twenty-four hours to strengthen my marriage?
Change your thoughts to make your marriage better! Instead of remembering the worst, find the one good thing that happened. Generously review that last twenty-four hours for anything that went well. Anticipate what will go well in the next twenty-four hours.
The Pattern of Positive Interaction Cycle
Changing how you think about your marriage relationship will change how you interact with your spouse. How you interact with your spouse will help you create positive interactions. Positive interactions will change how you are thinking about your marriage when you are apart. And the cycle of positive interaction will continue to play like a song stuck in your head.
Several couples we have worked with in Marriage Intensives have changed their marriage by journaling alone the answers to these questions. We challenge you to journal the answers to these questions every day for thirty days. Write us and tell us how it changed your marriage.
What do you have to say?
We love to hear from readers. Do you find yourself thinking negatively about your spouse too often? Do you agree that when you think negatively about your relationship that it impacts how you interact with your spouse? What would happen if you journaled the answers to these questions every day for a month? What other suggestions you would add to our suggestions in this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?
This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].