Do You Know What You Want In Your Marriage?

What do you want?

Several times when Jesus was questioned he replied with such a request.

When the blind man by the road called out for his attention, Jesus asked him, “What do you want from me?”

It seems so fundamental.

‘He came to the outskirts of Jericho. A blind man was sitting beside the road asking for handouts. When he heard the rustle of the crowd, he asked what was going on. They told him, “Jesus the Nazarene is going by.” He yelled, “Jesus! Son of David! Mercy, have mercy on me!” Those ahead of Jesus told the man to shut up, but he only yelled all the louder, “Son of David! Mercy, have mercy on me!” Jesus stopped and ordered him to be brought over. When he had come near, Jesus asked, “What do you want from me?” He said, “Master, I want to see again.” Luke 18:35-41 (Message)

Yet spouse after spouse in the over 200 Marriage Intensives we have facilitated have struggled with answering the question.

You Know What You Don’t Want

Most of the time when we ask a spouse in a marriage intensive about what they want in their marriage, they provide us with a series of stories detailing what they do not want.

We are usually clear in what we do not like and do not want. Verbalizing it to our spouse in a way they can hear it is always the most challenging thing about it. Most of the time we say it in a way that is perceived as a threat and then our spouse doesn’t really hear what we have to say. So the problem persists.

You know what you don’t want but you do not know what you really want.

What Do You Want?

Find a place to take a few deep breaths. Notice how with each breath your body relaxes. Notice how your body changes as it relaxes. Notice how your back, neck, abdomen, jaw, and other body areas change and relax as you take slow deep breaths.

Now imagine your marriage being exactly what God planned for it to be. Imagine you and your spouse living in peace, and joy.   Imagine your marriage being everything that you have always dreamed of.

As you imagine your marriage being all that God has ever wanted it to be, notice what you are feeling inside. Yes, this is at the heart of what you want.

Your heart’s desire is intertwined in wanting God. That is what we call finding out what you want in your heart of hearts. And it is what you are feeling inside of you at this moment that is what you want in your heart of hearts.

Benefits of Knowing What You Want

  • Provides a Target – Instead of taking action that moves one way one day, and another way another day, knowing what you want provides a target to keep you moving in the same direction day after day.
  • Clarifies Action – Instead of doing what you feel like doing when you and your spouse are not at your best, knowing what you want can bring clarity in action to move toward the marriage that you want in your heart of hearts.
  • Future Focused – Knowing what you do not want is focused on the past. The more you attempt to talk about it, the more marital strife. Knowing what you want is future focused. It is about doing something to create it.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers.  Do you know what you want?  Do you seem to know what you don’t want more than what you want?  Do you agree that knowing what you want in your heart of hearts will help you create it? What other suggestions you would add to our suggestions in this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].