When we first started dating our spouse, our time together was filled with discovering each other, affection and laughter. The fact that we could laugh together was one of the most attractive things about our spouse.

As we make our relationship permanent with marriage and begin making a home, the things of life grab out attention. Household management, bills, chores, transportation, children, in-laws, and other important matters crowd laughter out of our relationship.

Freedom is not free.

We are thankful to be a part of a ministry, Shield Bearer, that serves, among other trauma victims, veterans and their families. In our work we hear how the experience of war impacts the daily lives of those who’ve served in freedom’s cause. Many of the families we serve are still paying freedom’s price as they move on through life without their spouse, parent, child or sibling.

As we enjoy another celebration of Independence Day with family and friends, we honor those who have paid the price for the freedom enjoyed in this nation. Veterans and their families are held in high regard in our hearts.   Thank you!

Within this great free country, most of us are living without personal freedom. Although some segments of our society live in modern day slavery and oppression, most of us fail to live in personal freedom from forces within us.

Don and Libby were sitting in our office in a Marriage Intensive in the aftermath of an affair. Libby had contacted a divorce attorney and they agreed to go to counseling for the first time ever in their 22 years of marriage.  Don was wrong to have the affair. But as you know from reading our articles, an affair or financial mistrust rarely happens in healthy marriages.

Somewhere in the midst of describing all the pain, Libby said, “I still can’t believe that he took that job. I told him that I didn’t want him to take the job and he took it any way.” The job he took was over 12 years ago.

As the day progressed, it became obvious that her resentment in those early years had created a negative pattern of interacting between them. Libby’s resentment kept her from truly connecting with him emotionally. She began to talk bad about him to other people, eliminate kindness toward him, and use the threat of divorce when they were in an argument. And their emotional and physical connection began to deteriorate to the point that neither really liked the other any more.

This is Part 2 of a two part series during which we want to share some basic facts about money matters in the marriage relationship. We are not accountants or financial professionals and recommend that you seek professionals in that arena for specific questions about your financial matters. However, based upon our experience in working with couples and our personal experiences, here are some basic marriage money matters for you to consider.

We were recently asked to put together a couples weekend with an emphasis on financial matters in marriage. One of the lies that is told about divorce is that one of the top causes of divorce is financial issues. It is our experience that problems in the marriage cause the financial matters, instead of financial matters causing the marital challenges.

In this two part series we want to share some basic facts about money matters in the marriage relationship. We are not accountants or financial professionals and recommend that you seek professionals in that arena for specific questions about your financial matters. However, based upon our experience in working with couples and our personal experiences, here are some basic marriage money matters for you to consider.

Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has many ups and downs. As every spouse is different so is every marriage is unique. However, research has shown that there are three key indicators to marriage health.

When we meet with couples in a Marriage Intensive, we usually measure each of these areas at the beginning of the day. We ask each spouse to measure where they are at that specific moment. It is amazing to see God’s work as couples are real with each other and us about their marriage wounds and issues. The numbers always change for the better.

All three go up and down throughout the marriage relationship. The health of the relationship is on shaky ground if all three are low and especially if they are all three low in both spouses. Where are you in your marital health. Rate on a scale of 1 to 10 each of the indicators in the following way.

We remember the pediatric nurse who gave us the following advice as we left the hospital with Blake, our first. She said, “Children grow in phases. The first phase is always the hardest. You will question and doubt yourself and spend all your money, time and energy trying to do what you think is best for them. You will give up the things you enjoy in order to give him your very best. You will have many sleepless nights.” We asked, “How long is the first phase?” and she replied, “Birth to eighteen years. Then it will still be challenging but less difficult.”

It is transformational change industry’s best secret: What we measure, changes. When we measure it, it becomes bigger, louder, faster, and stronger. If our goal is to eliminate it, it becomes smaller, lighter, fewer and rare.

Every weight loss program on the market has this secret in common. They measure what they want to change. They ask you to document everything you eat and drink. They tell you to log in all of your exercises.

It happens too often. One spouse is frustrated by the actions, or lack of action, of their spouse and wants to understand why. The other spouse feels like they can never do anything right, including answering the inquiries about the motive of their behavior.

Why did you do that?

Why didn’t you do this?

The motive for asking why seems good. The inquisitor wants to understand what their spouse is thinking. “If I could only understand their motivation and thinking behind what they did or didn’t do.”

It’s common to confuse an itch with a scratch. But there is a huge difference between an itch and a scratch.

An itch is a sensation that causes a desire to scratch. It is not action, but rather merely there. It is the desire to do or get something.

A scratch, on the other hand, is action in response to an itch. The focus of the action of scratching is to eliminate the itch.