Three Indicators of the Health Of Your Marriage

Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has many ups and downs. As every spouse is different so is every marriage is unique. However, research has shown that there are three key indicators to marriage health.

When we meet with couples in a Marriage Intensive, we usually measure each of these areas at the beginning of the day. We ask each spouse to measure where they are at that specific moment. It is amazing to see God’s work as couples are real with each other and us about their marriage wounds and issues. The numbers always change for the better.

All three go up and down throughout the marriage relationship. The health of the relationship is on shaky ground if all three are low and especially if they are all three low in both spouses. Where are you in your marital health. Rate on a scale of 1 to 10 each of the indicators in the following way.

  1. Physical Attraction. How physically attractive are you to your spouse? Passion in the bedroom is a key indicator of marital health and satisfaction. Score a 10 if you can hardly wait until the next time you two connect physically. If you are thinking about how you can turn reading this article into a rendezvous, then you are probably at a 10. Score a 0 if you have no desire for physically connecting with your spouse. If they were the last person on earth and you would still take some time to become physically attracted to your spouse, then you are at a 0.
  2. Emotional Connection. How emotionally connected to your spouse do you feel? Intimacy, or emotional connectedness is a key indicator of marital health. Score a 10 if you feel deeply connected to your spouse. If you feel like you understand their heart and what is going on inside of them and that they understand your heart and what is going on inside of you, you are probably at a 10. Score a 0 if you feel absolutely no emotional connectedness. If you are sure that you do not know what is going on in the heart of your spouse and that they do not have a clue about what is going on in yours, then you are at 0.
  3. Marital Commitment. How committed are you to your spouse and to your marriage? We have already measured the body and the heart, now we look at your mind and will. Commitment is a key indicator of marital health. Score a 10 if you feel like there is hardly anything that you would not be willing to work through with your spouse. If you feel like you are in the relationship for your lifetime, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and health, etc., then you are at a 10. Score a 0 if you are planning to file with a divorce attorney, separated with intention on ending the relationship soon.   If you are sure you are going to divorce, then you are at a 0.

All marriages have times where one or more of these indicators are low. Sometimes there are physical limitations, health issues, financial and other stresses on the relationship and one or more of these becomes negatively impacted. If all three are low, seek help from competent Christian professionals.

The good news is that you can change the numbers! By taking action, even unilaterally before your spouse begins to change, you can increase your physical attraction toward your spouse, your emotional connectedness to your spouse and your commitment to your marriage relationship. And you do not have to do it alone. We would be happy to help or to refer you to partners of ours.

Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line—mature, complete, and wanting nothing. If you don’t have all the wisdom needed for this journey, then all you have to do is ask God for it; and God will grant all that you need. He gives lavishly and never scolds you for asking. James 1:2-5 (VOICE)

Be bold and take action that creates the relationship you have always wanted! Let us know what is working or not working to strengthen your marriage’s physical and emotional connection and your commitment to your marriage.

We love to hear from readers.  What have you found helpful for increasing physical attraction toward your spouse, emotional connection to your spouse, and lifelong commitment?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at © Roy and Devra Wooten 2015. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at

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