We were flying back from a weekend recently and ran across a couple in their late sixties who were holding hands. They had been away celebrating their thirty-eighth wedding anniversary. As always, we asked them, “what is the secret to being married thirty-eight years.
She smiled and said, “I’ve always made our home a place where he felt like he belonged.”
We All Need To Feel Like We Belong
Liam called for help. He described the problem.
“When she doesn’t respect me, I lose it. I don’t realize it in the moment, but I begin to yell. I say hurtful and mean things to her. I don’t know what to do when I blow up like that.”
Liam described that what he would rather do was to be able to handle her disrespect in a better way. He was at a loss about how to be the spouse he wanted to be when his wife pushed his buttons.
What Pushes Buttons
A recent email to us read, “…I’m miserable in my marriage. When I read your email … it sounds like you want me to do everything… but my wife doesn’t want to change… I’m afraid if I do some of the things you recommend that it will make things worse. I think the same thing will happen if we get a Marriage Intensive… I don’t know what to do…”
Fear Is Paralyzing
For far too many spouses, what our friend wrote is so true. There are so many spouses who want to make their marriages healthy and strong. When they are given specific actions steps to take to create the marriage of their highest hopes and dreams, they sit on the sideline doing nothing. They are afraid that taking action to create the marriage they really want will create more of the same or make things worse.
Fear keeps good spouses from making great marriages in these ways:
Have you ever noticed that some people constantly speak positively about their spouse to everyone they meet? When the couple is together they act like they genuinely like each other? When there is a disagreement with anyone outside of the relationship, they take up for their spouse, even when all logic and rational judgement points that their spouse is wrong?
February 14th is a day set aside to tell the one we love the most how much we love them. And retailers have made it an incredibly profitable day with this year’s gross Valentine’s sales for jewelry, flowers, clothing, candy, restaurants, cards and movies expected to be close to $19 billion dollars.
Get More Bang For Your Buck By Stretching Valentines Out All Year
After you have spent the dough on something perishable for Valentines Day, we hope you will consider stretching Valentines out throughout the whole year in a much less expensive way. Here are some things you can do to rekindle the old flames or keep love alive.
Holidays are a stressful time for couples and families. Negative patterns of interaction grow exponentially as almost all communication becomes focused on the tasks of the holiday. Frequently feelings are hurt in the mix and there are long periods of negative emotions and energy.
Turn your relationships around during the holidays by implementing these tips for making memories!
Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight! Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what. Love will never become obsolete.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 (VOICE)
It’s that time of year again when our doorbell rings and children of all ages hold out a bag asking for “trick or treats”. Television sets are filled with “spooky” movies and “haunted” houses. Stores are packed with cases and cases of candy.
Over the years working with thousands of couples in our Life Together Forever Retreats and our Marriage Intensives, we have witness some of the most challenging spouses. So here is out list of the scariest spouses in marriages today.
The Five Scariest Spouses
“Almost every day, my wife gets mad at me when I leave for work,” John explained.
“He leaves the mirror spotted when he cleans his toothbrush after brushing his teeth.” His wife, Silvia went on, “I’ve told him a thousand times how mad I get when he does that.”
John and Sylvia were in our offices for a Marriage Intensive. They had fallen out of love because they stopped doing the things to keep love alive, like dating and being kind to one another. They were in a negative pattern of interacting that was causing a great amount of pain in each of their hearts.
It’s Just a Little Toothbrush Splatter, Isn’t It?
Mark and Bailey called for help in their marriage. “I don’t know that I have any feelings for my husband anymore,” she shared on the first call. When we met with them, they described accurately what it feels like to be married 13 years. “I guess I’m just not as attractive as I was when we first met,” Mark shared.
Mark and Bailey have not experienced an infidelity in their marriage relationship. There were no significant communication problems. They make decisions together and trust is high in the relationship. They are committed to growing old together.
But there is no passion. The flames of love had burned out. They saw each other as their best friend and soul mate, but there was no fuel for romantic love.