Cindy had set up a coaching call based upon the referral from her Pastor. She arrived to the session with a friend whom she insisted join us in session. Cindy had brought her friend to verify what she was telling us about how horrible of a husband she has. “My pastor, all of my friends, including a counselor friend of mine, agrees with me that he is the problem in our marriage.”
All couples fight! There are no perfect couples. All couples disagree and argue. Some handle their disagreements with becoming loud, big and scary. Others move away from each other by withdrawing into silence, leaving the room… or the house.
Lisa was about to explode. Her husband of 8 years came home early from work, plopped down on the couch and asked, “what’s for supper?” After a full day of caregiving for her 18 month old and kindergartner, she was tired and stressed. And his first communication with her was one that really pushed her buttons.
Full body attention is how we tell our spouse they are the most important and highest priority in our world in that moment.
Have you ever noticed that some couples seem to talk positive about the other spouse when they are not around? When they are seen together they appear to genuinely like each other? When there is a disagreement with anyone outside of the relationship, they take up for their spouse, even when all logic points that their spouse is wrong?
Four moments seems like such a short amount of time. Yet if you take advantage of the opportunities within these four moments, you will have the power to create the life together forever you have always wanted. Four moments out of every day are the most powerful to moving toward each other, instead of against or away from each other.
You improve your marriage by intentionally using the 4 most important relationship moments every day.
One of the most surprising findings of our work with thousands of couples over the years is that it only takes one spouse to change a marriage. One spouse can go outside of the marriage for something they have not created and developed in their marriage sabotaging any hope for their future together. One spouse can meet with a divorce industry attorney and file in courage. One spouse alone can end the marriage.
You have incredible power to create the change in your marriage you desire.
Defensiveness is anything we use to move away from responsibility for something that our spouse believes that we have done or not done. Defensiveness like it implies, means that we perceive what our spouse is saying about or to us as an attack. In response (whether it was done in a respectful way or in a way that was truly an attack) we employ defensiveness to keep from receiving responsibility.
Defensiveness can come in many forms. Stating clearly that you did not do something and listing the reasons may be defensive. Counter accusing your spouse with something that they did not do as well is defensive. A spouse might say, “I noticed that the grass is not mowed and is really getting tall. Would you mind mowing the grass today or tomorrow?” And the defensive response might be, “I would have mowed the grass sooner but you said you would start putting your shoelaces in the closet instead of leaving them all over the house.”
The Marriage Intensive was developed for couples whose relationship is on life support. If you are wondering about the future of your relationship and are having trouble seeing a future with your spouse, the Marriage Intensive is the best chance for reviving your relationship. You can feel hope. If there is one cell within your body that believes there might be a sliver of hope, you need to give the Marriage Intensive a good try.
Our Marriage Intensives has been successful with couples who have…
Devra and I enjoyed a date night in Sugar Land, TX a while back. We enjoyed a wonderful meal and headed out to see a documentary singularly playing in the Houston area at that specific theater. We purchased our tickets ahead of time online so that we would make sure we had a seat. While the cinema was crowded, there was only two other people in the theater showing DivorceCorp.
DivorceCorp bills itself as “A shocking expose of the inner workings of the $50 billion a year US family law industry…(which) shines a bright light on the waste and shameless collusive practices seen daily in family courts.” As veterans working to keep married couples out of divorce courts, we were anxious to see for ourselves.