Untying the Knot

What causes divorce?

We are pro marriage. We are focused on building a relationship that creates a lifetime love. We help couples do life together forever.

Working with couples on the brink of divorce in our Marriage Intensives, we have compiled a list of things that lead to divorce. The more items on the list you do, the greater the likelihood that you are destroying your marriage.

‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. Malachi 2:16 (NIV)

How to End Your Marriage

  • Leave God out of it. Stop trying to do it all on your own.  Grow in your relationship with God by spending time talking to Him (prayer) and listening to Him (reading the Bible).  Get in a Bible believing church with other couples who know and love God and value marriage!
  • Look outside your marriage for what should be in your marriage. Stop connecting with others of the opposite sex, virtually or otherwise, to meet your emotional or physical needs.
  • Make threats. Stop telling your spouse what you are going to do if you do not get your way. Stop making yourself so big and loud in order to intimidate. Stop creating a dangerous relationship.
  • Fight to win. Stop looking for things to argue about. Stop focusing on your next counter point instead of really listening to your spouse’s point of view. Stop making everything have only one right answer.
  • Make everything else more important. Stop focusing so much on your career, children, parents, social media, friends, etc., and neglecting the most important relationship in your life. If your marriage dies, the things you are focusing on will suffer greatly.
  • Watch for opportunities to criticize. Stop expecting your spouse to be perfect or do it your way. Instead of telling them what is wrong, ask them how you can help.
  • Complain about your spouse to others. Stop telling your friends, relatives, and coworkers how horrible your spouse is. Talk to your spouse about your problems and get help if you need it.
  • Disregard agreements. Stop making agreements with your spouse to do something that you will never do. Start keeping all of your agreements with your spouse and get the things done you promised you would do. Stop doing the things you said you would stop doing.
  • Run away. Stop avoiding the important decisions you need to have with your spouse. Stop walking out of the room/house. Stop ignoring. Stop going to your man cave.
  • Don’t date. Start spending quality time together face to face on a regular basis. Begin to get to know your spouse again. Fall back in life and, eventually, love with your spouse again.
  • Imagine “what if”. Stop wondering what your life would have been like if you married another person or did not marry your spouse. Stop day dreaming about what might have been and start taking action to create the marriage you really want.
  • Wait on your spouse to change first. Stop blaming the challenges in your marriage on your spouse. Take responsibility for your part and start changing the person in the mirror first. Become the best you that you can possibly be and watch your marriage begin to change.

Oh no.  I’m doing these things!

If you found that you are engaging in some of these behaviors, you are the most powerful person to change that. If you are struggling with how to change or what to do next, get some help. Ask your church minister. Find a competent Christian counselor or marriage coach. Discuss it with a veteran couple of marriage. Take action and get a third party to help.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers.  What would you add to the list?   What advice would you give to a friend who is struggling with one or more items on the list?  Do you know whom you would turn to for sound Christian marriage help if your marriage was stuck in a negative cycle?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2015. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].