When Your Facebook Marriage Is Better Than Reality

Let’s face it. We all put the best parts of ourselves forward in our online social media.   In fact, we rarely communicate the challenges of life while almost always posting the best things about being us.

Charlotte called to schedule a Marriage Intensive. She told us about how obsessed her husband was with telling the world how wonderful their marriage was. “I just wish I had a marriage half as great as my husband makes it out to be on Facebook.”

Social Media And Relationship Reality

Charlotte is not alone. One study revealed that positive posts about relationship partners is higher when there is conflict in the relationship. Another study found that those who post positively about their relationship have lower self confidence. In yet another study, over 75% of people reportedly “lie” on Facebook about their reality, making it appear better than it actually is.  Divorce attorneys have reported that Facebook is involved in around 80% of divorce proceedings.

Social Media Can Interfere With Relationships

  1. One spouse spends most of the time with their spouse online instead of connecting in person with them.
  2. Watching other people’s positive posts about their relationship makes some spouses feel inadequate in their relationship.
  3. Over-sharing on social media causes arguments.
  4. Couples spend so much time checking in on social media instead of checking in on their relationship.
  5. Spouses who see what is going on with their exes through their extended family’s connections with them causes fear in their spouse.
  6. Friend requests from old flames can be a threat to the marriage including leading to an affair.
  7. After an affair, social media makes affair recovery more challenging.
  8. Checking up on social media posts in bed can be another wedge that causes problems in sexual frequency and connection.
  9. Selfies actually make your spouse feel less important and valued in the relationship as it promotes your face without theirs.
  10. The more you are on social media, the higher the chance that you will be in conflict with your spouse.

‘… fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy.’ Philippians 4:8 (VOICE)

Social Media Recommendations

We were able to work in the marriage intensive with Charlotte and her husband to begin the healing affair recovery and forge a new future together. Here are some tips that are helpful for all couples.

  • Share Passwords – Each spouse should have full access to phone pins and social media passwords. No secrets in a life together forever!
  • Permission To Post – Before posting a picture or sharing about your spouse, ask their permission first.
  • Clear Boundaries – Make sure you decide together what are the clear boundaries regarding exes, old flames, and related contact.
  • When In Conflict – Decide together to NOT use social media is a communication tool in any way when the you are in conflict with each other.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers.  Have you and your spouse experienced conflict around social media?  Have you had a conversation with your spouse setting social media boundaries?  How have you and your spouse handled social media issues in your relationship? What other suggestions you would add to this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].