Are You Taking Care Of Yourself?

We remember being brought up singing a song at Vacation Bible Schools and Christian camps that had a chorus, “J.O.Y. – Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last.” That last part is a mantra that social pressures also give young men and women. In order to succeed, you must meet all the expectations of others in your life.

When Did Self Care Become Narcissistic?

Somewhere along the way, we began to believe that anything other than meeting the expectations of others meant that we were selfish, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. We do our very best, at the expense of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health, to perform up to expectations at school, home, work, and in our social group.

Over time, we ended up trying harder, occasionally failing, trying even harder, and occasionally failing and trying even harder. Women focus on being perfect in their jobs, marriages, parenting, churches, and social group. Men focus on meeting the expectations of leader, husband, father and masculinity.

You Can’t Take Care Of Others If You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12:30-31 (Message)

The Truth About Porn

In 2006, Vladimir Villosov designed his own coffin with enough room to fit his huge collection of pornography. At 65 years old, he was quoted as saying, “The girls in those magazines have been my companions for years and I want them to accompany me to the next life.”

Long before the internet, pornography was a problem. And with the internet, a person today can see more pornographic images in a few minutes than their grandfather could see in a lifetime.

Are You Addicted to Porn?

According to Dr. Leslie Parrott in “Crazy Good Sex: Putting To Bed The Myths Men Have About Sex”, if you have at least five of the following issues, you are clinically addicted to pornography.

5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 When Your Spouse Pushes Your Buttons

Liam called for help. He described the problem.

“When she doesn’t respect me, I lose it. I don’t realize it in the moment, but I begin to yell. I say hurtful and mean things to her. I don’t know what to do when I blow up like that.”

Liam described that what he would rather do was to be able to handle her disrespect in a better way. He was at a loss about how to be the spouse he wanted to be when his wife pushed his buttons.

“A hot head provokes quarrels, and one mastered by anger commits all kinds of sins.” Proverbs 29:22 (VOICE)

What Pushes Buttons

How You Are Unintentionally Becoming An “Expert” in All The Wrong Things?

According to author Malcolm Gladwell (Outliers: The Story of Success), whatever you practice for 10,000 hours will cause you to become an expert in it.

Most of us who are older understand this. When we first began our careers, we learned how to do a task. Over the years, as we performed the task over and over, we became one of the best.

In the break room, we sometimes hear someone say, “I could never do what you do.” We can do it quicker and better than anyone at our company. We get so good at it, we can do it when we are tired or sleepy. It is as if it happens naturally, by default. We know it is not true, because we have spent thousands and thousands of hours doing it.

How To Become An Expert

“The emerging picture from studies is that ten thousand hours of practice is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert- in anything,” writes the neurologist Daniel Levetin.

The more we do something, the better we get at it. Take your hobby, for example. The more you do it, the better you become. If you enjoy golf, tennis, scrapbooking, pinteresting, photography, or anything else, the more of it you do, the better you become. And the theory says that if you do it long enough, you will get to expert status.

Becoming An Expert In Our Relationship

Jealous Of My Spouse’s Smart Phone

We hear it so often in different ways from spouses of all ages and lengths of marriages.

“My wife loves her phone more than she loves me. I want to grab it away from her and chunk it in the toilet.”

“I wish my husband spent half the time with me that he spends on his smart phone. I’m as lonely as I was before I ever met him.”

“Why am I not good enough to put the phone down? Why does everything have to be more important than me all the time?”

Relational Bankruptcy In The Digital Age

Growing Your Marriage Through The Six Family Seasons

Growing up in Texas, we were taught in school that there are four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Except for a decade living in the Texas Panhandle, we have lived in parts of Texas that only experienced Spring, Summer, Summer, and Fall.

The things about seasons is that they come whether we are ready for them or not.   We do not have any control about when they start or end or whether they are stormy or pleasant. Our job is to be prepared for them and adjust to them. The longer we live, we see them repeat enough that we learn how to do each of them better.

Families Have Seasons Too

Researchers have discovered through studies of countless families that families have seasons too. Like the annual season of life, there are huge similarities among families in the progression and changes of family seasons. We also have a great amount of choice in how we prepare for and adjust to each season.

But unlike the annual seasons of life, we have many choices in our family season development. Our choices influence when, where and with whom we begin our family seasons. Our choices influence how we get through the different family seasons and whether we experience seasons full of story drama, or pleasant peace and joy.

He (Jesus) answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” Matthew 91:5-6

The Seasons of Family

The Four Marriage Killers

We are frequently asked by media, pastors, counselors and other professionals what leads to couples considering divorce. We have met, one couple at a time, with over 240 couples whose marriage is on the brink of divorce (many separated, some who have already filed, and one that had divorced two years prior), in a day long Marriage Intensive.

What Causes Infidelity and Mistrust

Our experience tells us that the ground-breaking research that Dr. John Gottman performed over four decades with over 3,000 couples holds true. Before there is infidelity or major financial mistrusts in the marriage, there are four Marriage Killers that show up in the marriage.

The four Marriage Killers create a negative pattern of interacting in the marriage that causes spouses to stop talking to each other. Hurt feelings, hardened hearts, disappointment, and bitterness leads to spouses being unable to resolve relationship issues. Each spouse attempts to protect themselves from the other. Connection and intimacy is broken and loneliness sets in.

How To Make America Great Again!

There is quite a but of chatter in the political world about the phrase, “make America great again.” No matter what your political perspective or the proposed policies, you have to admit the phrase is intriguing.

We were speaking at St. Timothy’s Anglican Church Retreat recently on The Christian Family and decided that, although we are not running for office, we have a plan to make America great again!

‘Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.’ Psalm 127:1

The Formula for Making America Great Again

How Fear Is Keeping You From Having A Great Marriage

A recent email to us read, “…I’m miserable in my marriage. When I read your email … it sounds like you want me to do everything… but my wife doesn’t want to change… I’m afraid if I do some of the things you recommend that it will make things worse. I think the same thing will happen if we get a Marriage Intensive… I don’t know what to do…”

Fear Is Paralyzing

For far too many spouses, what our friend wrote is so true. There are so many spouses who want to make their marriages healthy and strong. When they are given specific actions steps to take to create the marriage of their highest hopes and dreams, they sit on the sideline doing nothing. They are afraid that taking action to create the marriage they really want will create more of the same or make things worse.

Fear keeps good spouses from making great marriages in these ways:

Surprising Ways You Are Unconsciously Defensive

At birth, babies are rather defenseless. Babies are incapable of telling us about any pains the are experiencing. They do not tell us that their stomach is hurting and that is why they are crying. They are totally defenseless from attacks by other humans, nature, or animals. As a child, you were dependent upon your parents to defend you from attack as you were incapable of defending yourself.

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. Proverbs 15:1 (Message)

Born With Limited Defenses