Category Archives: Creating The Marriage You Want

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Why doing it together makes marriage better!

There are huge differences between men and women when discussing the concept of emotional intimacy. To most women, it usually means sharing secret things of the heart, talking things over, and affection such as cuddling.

There was a long running beer commercial where a man was alone out in nature, fishing or hunting, and as he opened his drink he would proclaim, “It just doesn’t get any better than this.” But most men would disagree. It could get a lot better, if his wife would join him and enthusiastically share in the activity.

Men are bent toward action and they feel emotionally connected when doing things together.   Husbands feel closest to their wives when they are working together on landscaping, going to see a movie, enjoying a recreational activity. According to William F. Harley Jr., (His Needs Her Needs) “Spending recreational time with his spouse is second only to sex for the typical husband. “

Couples Who Play Together Stay Together

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The Unseen Barrier to Personal Transformation

The change process most change specialists teach is

  • Resolve to change.
  • Make goal(s) specific, measurable, attainable, real-time and time-based (SMART).
  • Write it down, declare it to others, and measure along the way.
  • Find someone to be accountable to (friend, coach, etc.).
  • Celebrate your achievements.

Many change specialists will tell you the barriers that you can expect. Common barriers include: not uncovering the motivation for change, not setting SMART goals, not making your goals habitual, not telling others about it, not practicing good accountability, not celebrating milestones, and not giving yourself grace. Even with all of these barriers, there seems to be one that lurks in the shadows that almost all change specialists neglect or overlook.

‘Love is patient’. I Corinthians 13:4

The Hidden Barrier

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Five Signs That It’s You That Needs to Change

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Shirley, married for 19 years, called in a panic.

“I’m sick and tired of Dan not changing. Year after year he makes promises and while he has gotten better, he is still not the Christian man I deserve to be married to. I think it’s time I gave him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t change this year, I’m going to have to leave him. I’ve already talked to my daughter and my Mom and they said they will support me through this.”

Shirley is like many of the unhappy spouses we meet in our Marriage Intensives. It is rare that we do not find that one or both spouses is blaming all of the marriage struggles on the other. The false belief is that if the other spouse will change, the marriage will be happy. Shirley brought Dan to the Marriage Intensive so that “the experts” could agree with her and tell Dan to change.

Blinded By Your Spouse’s Faults

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Make 2016 The Best For Your Marriage

New Year means a new start. A fresh set of dates on the calendar reminds us of the goals we want to set in our health, careers, finances, etc. One of the most important areas to set New Years Resolutions in is in the area of our marriage.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/93963757@N05/

One of the interesting things about relationship goals if that making the smallest changes in our interaction with our spouse can make a huge difference long-term in our happiness, well-being, health and finances.

We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. Proverbs 16:9

Here are sixteen tips for a better marriage in 2016!

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You Have To Be The One Who Goes First!

Lance and Claire were stuck in the blame game. Both were waiting for the other to show them that they were loved. They were basically domestic partners and parents, living totally different lives while in the same house.

During the Marriage Saving Intensive, Claire told us about how Lance had never really shared what was going on in his heart. “After 18 years of marriage, I know more about how my dog feels about things than I know what Lance cares about.” She was miserable and blamed her husband for her unhappiness.

Lance felt like there was a bait and switch. He told us that their love life was wonderful as they began their relationship, but “she has a wall up in our love life. I have leaned to just get through, because I don’t have a wife who wants me in any way.”   He told us that unless she changes, he is not willing to make any changes.

“So don’t sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it! Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you’ll never get so much as a glimpse of God. Make sure no one gets left out of God’s generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time.” Hebrews 12-17 (MSG)

Your Best Year Ever 2016

Your Best Year Ever 2016

Workshop

Goals   Focus   Vision

This 3 session workshop with Les Herron and Roy Wooten wil help you:

  • Come Alive in 2016
  • Break Through Barriers
  • Find The Path to Your Best You
  • Have More and Do What You Love
  • Create a New You In a New Year
  • Turn your dreams into reality.
  • Put your faith into action.

Every participant who completes the workshop will leave with a detailed plan, including accountability, to make 2016 the year they finally do what they have always dreamed of doing!

Wednesdays   7:00-9:00PM

January 13, 20, 27, 2016

Special Pricing The Earlier You Purchase

The three sessions included for one price:  $90/person or $150/couple.

The Presenters:

Les Herron

Les Herron has served the local church for over 25 years.  He has held ministry and leadership positions in churches, daycares and private Christian Schools. Les really cleaned up on his first church job as a janitor in 1978 at Grants Pass Assembly in Oregon and has been helping people clean up and get rid of junk ever since. His speaking and leadership style is open, fresh and relational.   You will be engaged and challenged, as well as motivated to change the way you think and live.

Les holds a BA in Communications, as well as an M. Ed. with high honors.  He is a certified leadership coach with The Center for Coaching Excellence and is in process of gaining credentials thru the International Coaching Federation (Spring 2016). Currently he is a pastor, speaker and leadership coach living in Houston, Texas.  He is the author of Daily Prayer Thoughts and Positive ID, both available thru Amazon.

Les and his wife Kresha have been married for over 30 years.  They have a son named Zeke and Victoria is their little girl.  Les loves to read, write, take pictures and travel.   He has visited 49 of the 50 states, as well as spoken in Spain, Scotland, Ecuador, Panama and Mexico.   Les will travel with short notice to Hawaii as needed!

Roy Wooten

Roy Wooten is one of the “real life” football players from the era that the movie Friday Night Lights was based upon, but he is best known for helping thousands of people improve their relationships through humorous, transformational and inspirational retreats, seminars and workshops. He and his wife, Devra are co-authors of “The Secret to Lifetime Love”, “Life Together Forever Marriage Enrichment Curriculum”, and many others. He is also the author of, “Full Throttle Into Fatherhood” for young and expectant fathers.

He is a much sought after speaker and has presented on platforms such as the National Head Start Conferences, National Association of Marriage and Relationship Educators, Texas Association of Marriage and Family Therapist, Christian Association for Psychological Studies International, and many more. He is a media guest on the subject of relationships and consults with businesses, chambers, schools, churches and nonprofits to strengthen relationships for success. He and his wife have facilitated more than 170 couples weekends and retreats.

He earned his B.S. & M.S. from Abilene Christian University and has carried licenses from Texas Department of Children and Family Services and Texas Board of Examiners of Psychologists. He has over 25 years experience strengthening relationships, including a stint as Administrator of Texas’ largest children’s home and currently serves as the Executive Director and President of Shield Bearer Counseling Centers (www.ShieldBearer.org).

Roy’s passion starts at home where he strives to be the best husband to Devra (since 1988) and father to his two Texas A&M students.

Date: January 13, 2016
Time: 7:00 - 9:00 PM
Event: Your Best Year Ever 2016 Goals Vision Focus
Topic: Your Best Year Ever 2016
Venue: The Venue at Cafe Maresse
Location: 11729 Spring Cypress Road
Tomball, TX 77377
Public: Public
Registration: Click here to register.

Can't make the class? Call 281-949-8115 to set up Coaching sessions.

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How To Call Time Out Unilaterally

This is part 5 of a 5 part series on Time Outs excerpted from our book, “The Secret to Lifetime Love”.

What if you need to take a Time Out because you are triggered or you are seeing the person in front of you is triggered? What should you do if they have not been trained how to take a time out. This is the last post in our series on what to do when you are the only one trained in how to take a Time Out.

If I Need To Take A Time Out But The Other Person Has Not Read This Book

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How To Finish A Time Out

This is part 4 of a 5 part series on Time Outs excerpted from our book, “The Secret to Lifetime Love”.

As soon as you have agreed to when the Time Out will be concluded, you should make sure to keep your end of the agreement and return to the conversation at the scheduled time and place. The next Time Out rule is to do just that.

The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. Proverbs 15:2 (NIV)

Return to Conversation as Scheduled

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Calm Down During A Time Out

This is part 3 of a 5 part series on Time Outs excerpted from our book, “The Secret to Lifetime Love”.

When either of you ask for a timeout, it is important that both of you work together to find out when the time out will be concluding. The next Time Out rule is to do just that.

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18 (NIV)

State an Estimated Time to Continue the Discussion

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How To Call A Time Out

This is part 2 of a 5 part series on Time Outs excerpted from our book, “The Secret to Lifetime Love”.

When you know that either your spouse or you have become emotionally triggered, it is important that you begin the process immediately of implementing a Time Out.

Hot tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace. Proverbs 15:18 (The Message)

Communicate the Request for a Time Out