Category Archives: Creating The Marriage You Want

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How To Tell When You Or Your Spouse Needs A Time Out

This is part 1 of a 5 part series on Time Outs excerpted from our book, “The Secret to Lifetime Love”.

What do you do when you are triggered but you need to solve the issue? We have found through our own experience and through the experience of working with thousands of couples that we need to find a way to separate and cool down. Cooling down helps us calm ourselves and allow the thinking part of our brain to catch up to the feeling part of our brain. We call it a Time Out.

A hot-headed person stirs up trouble, but one with patience settles a fight. Proverbs 15:18 (Voice)

Time Out Rules

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Which Set of In-Laws For Christmas?

The Annual Debate About Where To Spend The Holidays

Shannon and Katie emailed us about an annual argument they are having. Every year as the holidays approach Shannon’s parents pressure him to nail down their holiday plans and include as much time as they can with them. Katie’s parents decide the details about their holidays the week before which means Katie has a hard time contributing to the planning.

“Holiday stress is high enough without all the pressure of trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings,” Katie shared. “I wish there was an easy way to figure it out and make everyone happy,” Shannon added.

Holidays Are Stressful

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7 Reasons Church is Great For Your Marriage

One study several years ago found that people who report they are Christians are just as likely to divorce as those who didn’t. Headlines online and in print read that you are just as likely to divorce if you are a Christian than if you are not. 

Church is great for your marriage!

Let us consider how to inspire each other to greater love and to righteous deeds, not forgetting to gather as a community, as some have forgotten, but encouraging each other, especially as the day of His return approaches. Hebrews 10:24-25 (Voice)

However, a deeper look into the matter by several other studies found that those couples who regularly attend church together are 46% less likely to get divorced compared to only 10% less likely if they occasionally go to church together.

Further, studies have found that couples not going to church at all are twice as likely to get divorced as those who attend church regularly together. So practicing Christianity, as evidenced by attending church services regularly, is much more powerful in keeping your marriage together than just believing Jesus is your Savior.

Why church is great for your marriage!

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Making This Year’s Holidays Better For The Two of Us!

Holidays are a stressful time for couples and families.  Negative patterns of interaction grow exponentially as almost all communication becomes focused on the tasks of the holiday.  Frequently feelings are hurt in the mix and there are long periods of negative emotions and energy.

But now faith, hope, and love remain; these three virtues must characterize our lives. The greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:13 (Voice)

Turn your relationships around during the holidays by implementing these tips for making memories!

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Why You Don’t Tell Your Spouse What You Need To Say

An excerpt from the book: The Secret To Lifetime Love

We Don’t Say What We Really Need to Say

We do not enter this world with a filter about what to say or not to say. Spend time with a two year old and you will know exactly what she is thinking, usually as soon as she thinks it. If she is hungry, she will let you know in a demanding fashion. If there is perception that someone else is getting attention or taking something that she deems as her possession, she will show anger or sadness without reservation. And if there is someone in the environment she perceives as a potential threat, fear will drive all her behaviors to move away from and protect herself.

Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. James 1:19-20 (Message)

Somewhere along the way we develop a filtering mechanism… our attempt to hide what it is we are really thinking and feeling. It happens when a parent, teacher, coach, older sibling, minister, or other important person in our life tells us…

  • “Don’t say mean things.”
  • “Don’t cry… only sissy’s cry.”
  • “Don’t say things that hurt other people’s feelings.”
  • “Don’t tell someone something like that. It isn’t good manners.”
  • “Don’t let him see you are afraid of him. “

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Top 10 Reasons Spouses Withhold Sex And What You Can Do About It

Jillian and Randall called for a Marriage Intensive.  He explained that early in their marriage he began to believe that he was unattractive, repulsive and unwanted as Jillian bristled at his requests for sexual activity.  Jillian could not understand why her husband never approached her for sex anymore and suspected that he had another lover or a porn addiction.

Jillian and Randall are like so many other couples who are experiencing the pain of a sexless marriage.  Over the course of a very hard day of work in the Marriage Intensive, they both found some healing personally and then in their relationship, and built a new future together.

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The Fundamental Problem With My Marriage Is …

The fundamental problem with my marriage is ME.  My selfishness.  My me-first attitude.  ME!

Then the Lord God Said: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”  Genesis 2:18 (NIV)

God designed marriage to address the problem. He built the institution of marriage for the purpose of meeting the need within our souls for a lifelong marriage. He intended for life to us to be together forever.

Three Myths of Marriage

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Sacrifices at Home Continue for Most Post-9/11 Veteran

We are so thankful for those who’ve served our country, and freedom loving people all over the world, in freedom’s cause. While military personnel are away from home, spouses and children sacrifice in their absence. We are thankful this Veteran’s Day for the services of Military Personnel and Veterans and the sacrifices that their spouses and families have made.   We also pause in remembrance of those who lost a loved one or those who were injured in their service.   Thank you!

‘Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.’ John 15:13 (NIV)

Sacrifices Continue for Post-911 Veterans

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What true love looks like!

Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love;  it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs  or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight!  Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what. Love will never become obsolete. 

I Corinthians 13:4-8 (VOICE)

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The Five Scariest Spouses In Marriages Today

It’s that time of year again when our doorbell rings and children of all ages hold out a bag asking for “trick or treats”. Television sets are filled with “spooky” movies and “haunted” houses. Stores are packed with cases and cases of candy.

Over the years working with thousands of couples in our Life Together Forever Retreats and our Marriage Intensives, we have witness some of the most challenging spouses. So here is out list of the scariest spouses in marriages today.

The Five Scariest Spouses