Category Archives: Creating The Marriage You Want

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How being “selfless” is hurting your marriage.

James and Alicia were in our offices because they had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the prior six months. They had been in a long pattern of negative interaction resulting in great distrust of each other.

Within the first hour of the Marriage Intensive, Alicia described how much she gave of herself for the first seven years in their marriage. Her selfless acts included almost all of the domestic chores, financial management, most parenting, etc. She reported a cycle of giving to her limit, getting sick, having an angry outburst with hurtful words and threats, and beginning the cycle again.

Like many others in prior marriage intensives, Alicia was selfless to the point of harming herself and her family. Her selflessness was not helping her marriage and family but hurting her marriage and family.

Signs Your Selflessness May Be Hurting Your Family

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Are You Arguing More Than Most Couples?

There are no perfect marriages.

There are no perfect marriages because there are no perfect people. The last perfect person was crucified and people have been talking about Him for about 2,000 years.

There are no perfect marriages!

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Handling Negative Feedback From Your Spouse

Hearing about how something you are doing is a problem to someone or to a group does not feel good. No one likes learning that something about themselves might need to change.

Feedback is important to change and growth. For most of us, positive feedback is received like Teflon, it just falls off of us as possibly untrue and un-received. However, negative feedback is like Velcro, it sticks to us and we remember it long after our encounter with it.

It is especially true when our spouse shares negative feedback. Whether they share it with respect and in a time and place of our choosing, or without tact and appropriate demeanor, negative feedback is most difficult for us to receive from the one we love the most.

“Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel.” Proverbs 13:10

Why Your Spouse’s Negative Feedback Hurts

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How Your Brokenness Is Breaking Your Marriage

We have witnessed horrible brokenness in marriage over the years. In our full day Marriage Intensive, we sit with a couple as they share their brokenness.

Most of the time, we are unable to deal with the brokenness that brings them into our office until we work through some of the brokenness from the past. The affair, financial mistrust, lack of passion and love, and hurtful language and actions are frequently the results of some wounding much earlier in life that has been carried into the marriage.

Wounded Places

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The Top Five Reasons Family Traditions and Rituals Are Vital To Your Marriage

Family traditions and rituals are sometimes thought to be boring at one time or another, but most people have fond memories of a family tradition or ritual from their childhood. Perhaps it was how a holiday was celebrated, or perhaps what you did as a family every meal-time. Whatever it was, it puts a smile on your face today.

According to studies, marriages where family rituals and traditions are positive, build resilience, are happier, and have fewer conflicts. In other words, family rituals and traditions make marriages better.

‘Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.’ Deut 6:6 (MSG)

Why are family rituals and traditions so vital?

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The Number One Reason You Should Stay With Your Spouse and Work It Out

The divorce rate in America plateaued about four decades ago and has been sitting somewhere around 50% since then. Some people who read that may errantly believe that there is a 50-50 chance that their marriage will make it.

Not so! Here are the real divorce rate numbers.

  1. For first time marriages, about 41% end in divorce. This includes the more vulnerable marriages that involve children before marriage, addictions, mental health issues, late teen marriages, no faith, no college education, marriages in poverty, and other high risk situations. That means that there is at worst a 60% chance your marriage will not end in divorce.
  2. For second marriages, about 60% end in divorce. These is still a 4 in 10 chance your marriage will make it.
  3. For third marriages, about 73% end in divorce. The odds are really stacked against you statistically speaking. Less than 30% of couples who are marrying for the third time will avoid ending in divorce.

“Marriage should be honored by all…” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

The Duct Tape Factor

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Five Benefits of Marrying In Young Adulthood

The age Americans marry continues to move higher. Our grandparents on both sides married young, like many in their generation. Roy’s grandfather was 18 and grandmother 16 when they married in 1930s. Today the average marrying age is at record highs: 27 for women and 29 for men.

Some studies have suggested that waiting to marry late leads to women having a higher income and an overall lower divorce rates. Other studies suggest that comfortableness with making solitary decisions creates more tension as the couple begins their lives together.   And what about those who marry really early? Studies reveal that marriages at the age of 18 are twice as likely to end in divorce than those beginning at 22 or older.

Longer Adolescence

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Making Technology Work For Your Marriage

We have heard the negative horrors of modern technology as each new cultural shift has taken place. We remember the days when “Pong” was the first video game and Atari was the only gaming system you could buy. All phones had cords and almost every family shared the same phone number. Wow, how times have changed!

We tend to believe that technology is not the negative thing. It is just the tool that can be used for good and evil. We hear from couples how much more they want their spouse to turn off their device and give them full body attention. And we hear from couples in a mess where technology has been used in infidelity and every sound of a new message is a pain trigger for the offended spouse.

‘What has been, that will be; what has been done, that will be done. Nothing is new under the sun; the future only repeats the past.’ Ecclesiastes 1:9

Roy & Devra Wooten

Roy & Devra Wooten

Life Together Forever El Paso!

Saturday, September 12th 9AM – 12PM
Sunday, September 13th  10:30- 12PM

The Journey Church

Reconnect
Rekindle
Recommit

  • This is a 2-day conference FREE for pre-registered couples.
  • Includes live workshop and workbooks.
  • Memory making activities.
  • Great for engaged, newly weds, old timers, transition couples, and new parents.

 

Experience Biblical Truths that Transform Relationships!

Want to …

  • take your marriage to the next level?
  • experience relational healing and restoration?
  • strengthen communication and connection?

Roy and Devra Wooten are veteran marriage champions, whose lives attest to the transforming power of Truth.  Through their years of working with countless couples in over one hundred couples weekends, they have molded their message into an engaging and mixed format of teaching and experiential activities to quickly equip and empower couples toward greater spiritual and relational intimacy.

Couples will learn, experience and practice the application of powerful Biblical Truth as Roy and Devra share their real and humorous relationship stories.  With other couples, enjoy discovering the way forward in common challenges of relationships with exciting sessions including:

  • Doing Life Together Forever
  • Creating a Lifelong Marriage
  • Speaking and Hearing Truth
  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Stress-Less Living
  • Healthy Expectations
  • Courageous Conversations
  • Sex, Love and Romance
  • Relationships God’s Way

Couples will enjoy the mix of teaching and experiential activities that moves them toward each other and refreshes their relationship.

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

“I was surprised about how funny Roy and Devra are together.  Their ministry blessed our couples Date Night event.  Many couples who I have been counseling told me afterward how blessed they were by it… We need to have… this every year.” – Senior Pastor

“I highly recommend Roy and Devra for your next couples retreat.  Together they gave our couples more than we had hoped for.  Roy and Devra Rock!”  – Family Minister

“I think the thing that helped the most was how the two of you were so honest about your own relationship.  Between your hilarious stories, you shared meaningful and helpful things that reminded me about what I could do better in my marriage of 33 years.  Thank you for sharing your gifts with us.” – Minister

“Thank you for giving us hope.  We came here in separate cars because this has been a very hard week for us.  I didn’t want to come but I came anyway.  When we had to sit face to face and talk during the exercises, I began to see some change.  I know we have work ahead but I feel hope for the first time in seven years.”  – Wife of 12 years

“Roy tells it like it is supposed to be and Devra says it like it really is.  They are so hilarious but they really make you think.  I cannot recommend them any higher.” – Engaged Groom

How Do I Register?

Reserve your spot before they are all gone (limited to first 50 couples) by calling or texting

(915) 244-7077

Ask about area hotel accommodations.

Engaged couples who complete all sessions are eligible for a free
Texas Marriage License.
Date: September 12, 2015—September 13, 2015
Event: Life Together Forever El Paso
Topic: Life Together Forever
Sponsor: The Journey Church
(915) 244-7077
Venue: The Journey Church
(915) 244-7077
Location: 14660 D Montana Ave
El Paso, Tx 79938
Public: Public
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Challenges of High Profile Marriages

“Did you hear? Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert are getting divorced after only four years.” It seems like a marriage in the limelight has a shelf life about as long as the life of a vase of roses. There are some Hollywood marriages that break the mold and make it the distance, like Roy Rogers and Dale Evans,  although they rarely make headlines.

Over the last several years, we have helped high profile couples during our Marriage Intensives. We have been trusted to help with the marriages of professional athletes, elected politicians, Fortune 500 CEOs, and high visibility Pastors. While each marriage has been unique, there are some patterns that we have observed that may be contributors for those who are in high profile marriages.

‘(Love is) never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs’ I Cor 13:5

Special Challenges In High Profile Marriages