We were recently asked to put together a couples weekend with an emphasis on financial matters in marriage. One of the lies that is told about divorce is that one of the top causes of divorce is financial issues. It is our experience that problems in the marriage cause the financial matters, instead of financial matters causing the marital challenges.

In this two part series we want to share some basic facts about money matters in the marriage relationship. We are not accountants or financial professionals and recommend that you seek professionals in that arena for specific questions about your financial matters. However, based upon our experience in working with couples and our personal experiences, here are some basic marriage money matters for you to consider.

Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has many ups and downs. As every spouse is different so is every marriage is unique. However, research has shown that there are three key indicators to marriage health.

When we meet with couples in a Marriage Intensive, we usually measure each of these areas at the beginning of the day. We ask each spouse to measure where they are at that specific moment. It is amazing to see God’s work as couples are real with each other and us about their marriage wounds and issues. The numbers always change for the better.

All three go up and down throughout the marriage relationship. The health of the relationship is on shaky ground if all three are low and especially if they are all three low in both spouses. Where are you in your marital health. Rate on a scale of 1 to 10 each of the indicators in the following way.

We remember the pediatric nurse who gave us the following advice as we left the hospital with Blake, our first. She said, “Children grow in phases. The first phase is always the hardest. You will question and doubt yourself and spend all your money, time and energy trying to do what you think is best for them. You will give up the things you enjoy in order to give him your very best. You will have many sleepless nights.” We asked, “How long is the first phase?” and she replied, “Birth to eighteen years. Then it will still be challenging but less difficult.”

It is transformational change industry’s best secret: What we measure, changes. When we measure it, it becomes bigger, louder, faster, and stronger. If our goal is to eliminate it, it becomes smaller, lighter, fewer and rare.

Every weight loss program on the market has this secret in common. They measure what they want to change. They ask you to document everything you eat and drink. They tell you to log in all of your exercises.

It happens too often. One spouse is frustrated by the actions, or lack of action, of their spouse and wants to understand why. The other spouse feels like they can never do anything right, including answering the inquiries about the motive of their behavior.

Why did you do that?

Why didn’t you do this?

The motive for asking why seems good. The inquisitor wants to understand what their spouse is thinking. “If I could only understand their motivation and thinking behind what they did or didn’t do.”

It’s common to confuse an itch with a scratch. But there is a huge difference between an itch and a scratch.

An itch is a sensation that causes a desire to scratch. It is not action, but rather merely there. It is the desire to do or get something.

A scratch, on the other hand, is action in response to an itch. The focus of the action of scratching is to eliminate the itch.

We love our favorite television shows. We know the words to a half a dozen television theme songs, including The Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, Big Bang Theory and Mike and Molly. We have gone through periods of watching too much TV!

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., “the average American watches more than four hours of TV a day”. That is an average of twenty-eight hours per week. In a 65-year life span, the average American will have spent nine years glued to the tube.

The old story goes something like this. The father says to his son on the morning of his wedding day, “Would you like to fully understand how a woman thinks and work?” “I’d love to know,” the son replied. To which the father said, “Yea, me too!”

Women are a mystery to men. But there are some things that happy wives frequently tell us makes them feel very loved. Husbands need to pay attention as doing these things consistently in the relationship will lead to a happy wife.