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What To Do For Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is just around the corner and Dad’s everywhere this week will be working on how to make this Mother’s Day wonderful for their wives.

‘Into the home of the childless wife, He sends children who are, for her, a cause of happiness beyond measure.’ Psalm 113:9 (VOICE)

There is no Mother’s Day Manual For Dads. Most new and young dads make rookie mistakes. Those of us who have been married a few decades have figured out how to get through Mother’s Day without having major snafus. Here are some easy tips to help set you up for success with this year’s Mother’s Day.

Making Mother’s Day Successful

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Move Toward Your Spouse

We had a great time as the guests on a conference call with marriage ministers and marriage counselors from all across the globe. One pastor asked the question, “What are the few things I can tell couples that will get their stale marriages moving in the right direction?”

We believe that every can take action now, immediately, to make their marriage better, stronger, and closer. Here is how we answered the question and what we recommend every couple do to move toward each other and the marriage they deeply desire.

Ways To Move Toward Your Spouse

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Make It Better By Doing It Together

There are huge differences between men and women when discussing the concept of emotional intimacy. To most women, it usually means sharing secret things of the heart, talking things over, and affection such as cuddling.

There was a long running beer commercial where a man was alone out in nature, fishing or hunting, and as he opened his drink he would proclaim, “It just doesn’t get any better than this.” But most men would disagree. It could get a lot better, if his wife would join him and enthusiastically share in the activity.

Men are bent toward action and they feel emotionally connected when doing things together.   Husbands feel closest to their wives when they are working together on landscaping, going to see a movie, enjoying a recreational activity. According to William F. Harley Jr., (His Needs Her Needs) “Spending recreational time with his spouse is second only to sex for the typical husband. “

Couples Who Play Together Stay Together

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Merging Your Marriage Well

Dana and Tony had been married for seventeen years when they came in for a marriage intensive. Dana had asked him to move out and he did not know what else to do when he called.

Dana complained that Tony was an embarrassment to her. Any time she invited him to a couples gathering with her friends or to her company events, she felt like he purposefully caused a scene. He would put her down as a wife or make fun of her in some way.

Tony felt alone in the marriage. She refused to ever go on a bike ride with him, join him on a golf outing, or go to the gym with him. Occasionally when he was out with a couple of his friends, she would show up unannounced and unplanned and then be upset with him if he did not leave his friends to be with her for the rest of the night.

Work toward unity, and live in harmony with one another. Romans 12:16a (VOICE)

Missing Needs And Merging Poorly

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How Church Can Help Your Marriage

One study several years ago found that people who report they are Christians are just as likely to divorce as those who didn’t. Headlines online and in print read that you are just as likely to divorce if you are a Christian than if you are not. 

Church is great for your marriage!

Let us consider how to inspire each other to greater love and to righteous deeds, not forgetting to gather as a community, as some have forgotten, but encouraging each other, especially as the day of His return approaches. Hebrews 10:24-25 (Voice)

However, a deeper look into the matter by several other studies found that those couples who regularly attend church together are 46% less likely to get divorced compared to only 10% less likely if they occasionally go to church together.

Further, studies have found that couples not going to church at all are twice as likely to get divorced as those who attend church regularly together. So practicing Christianity, as evidenced by attending church services regularly, is much more powerful in keeping your marriage together than just believing Jesus is your Savior.

Why church is great for your marriage!

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Our Marriage Is Worth Fighting For Because…

Kay and Brian were at a breaking point. She was focused on being the best mother she could be and had given little effort in her marriage for the past fifteen years. He would attempt to avoid conflict by bottling it up inside until eventually he would explode in yelling and threatening.

After one of his tirades, Kay asked him to move out. Separated, they reached out to their Pastor for support and he had them call us. They set up a last-ditch effort Marriage Intensive with us to save their marriage.

The Big Question

We spent the day together. God did what He usually does during the long day of work. He healed each of them in their most broken place and began to heal the old wounds in their relationship.

Near the end of the day, they each grabbed their spouse’s rings. Holding their spouse’s ring finger, we had them finish the sentence. “Our marriage is worth fighting for because…”

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Have a Blessed Easter!

He lives!

Luke 23The Voice (VOICE)

23 So the whole council got up and took Jesus to Pilate. 2 They brought accusations against Him.

Sanhedrin: We have observed this man leading our nation astray. He even forbade us to pay our taxes to Caesar. He claims to be the Anointed One and a King Himself.

Pilate: 3 Are You the King of the Jews?

Jesus: It’s as you say.

Pilate (to the chief priest and crowd): 4 I find this man guilty of no crime.

Sanhedrin (growing more intense): 5 He has been stirring up discontent among the people all over Judea. He started up in Galilee, and now He’s brought His brand of trouble all the way to Jerusalem!

Pilate: 6 Just a minute. Is this man a Galilean?

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Marriage Survival Tips For Retirement

Daniel called for a marriage intensive. His wife of 39 years had moved to their lake house to think about whether or not she was going to stay or divorce. He had recently took an early retirement package and was struggling with the transition.

When we met with Daniel and Liz, we discovered a huge disconnect between what each thought retirement years would look like and what roles they assumed each person would have. Daniel struggled with finding a new purpose and identity. Liz felt suffocated and smothered by his desire to be with her all the time.

Another Family Transition Stressor

There are several major family transition times that create stress for marriage. Like having a baby or moving into empty nest season, retirement puts pressure on the marriage relationship. It is one of the times in marriages that either pull spouses toward God and each other, or move them away or against each other.

Tips For Surviving Retirement Transition

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Good News: Divorce Rates Dropping

If you are like us, you hear often about how many people are getting divorce. People say that marriage rates are above 50% and worse than they have ever been. We have even heard some people declare that there are more single people in America than there are married people.

Most of the relationship advice and marriage statistics that you hear from your friends or so-called “Relationship Expert” bloggers are just not accurate and are dangerous to your marriage.

What The Research Says

Since the 1980’s, divorce rates have been dropping among all age groups, except older people.

According to a review of national statistics, people who are still in their first marriage at 46 years of age are:

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Fall Back In Love Over And Over Again

Marriage is hard. Especially when you have family cycle points, like adding a new member to the family, major medical issues, sending a child off to college, watching a child marry or divorce, or experiencing losing a family member.

Most of the couples who end up in a full day Marriage Intensive with us to try to save their marriage, are couples who let life get in the way of their relationship. Soon after marriage they began focusing on budgets, home making, parenting, chores, etc. and much less on each other.

After a couple of years, the only conversations they have with each other are about home logistics or issues and the number of positive interactions are overwhelmed by a pattern of negative ones. In that environment, it is usually not long before one or both begin seeking what should only be within the marriage from someone outside of the marriage.

Here are some signs that your marriage will last.