Cindy had set up a coaching call based upon the referral from her Pastor. She arrived to the session with a friend whom she insisted join us in session. Cindy had brought her friend to verify what she was telling us about how horrible of a husband she has. “My pastor, all of my friends, including a counselor friend of mine, agrees with me that he is the problem in our marriage.”
Donna complained that her “so called” Christian husband was a “hypocrite”. Her heart was hard and critical because she did not experience him as the spiritual leader in the home that she had always expected. When asked about how her frustration was impacting her and how she interacted with him, she shared that she does not want to be around him, she has long periods where she does not like him, and she has little interest in being physically intimate with him.
Lisa was about to explode. Her husband of 8 years came home early from work, plopped down on the couch and asked, “what’s for supper?” After a full day of caregiving for her 18 month old and kindergartner, she was tired and stressed. And his first communication with her was one that really pushed her buttons.
Full body attention is how we tell our spouse they are the most important and highest priority in our world in that moment.
Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life. When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.
What is a Crucial Conversation?
A crucial conversation is a conversation that has a high degree of probability that it will involve emotions. Some conversations do not involve emotions and are not emotional. However, when you think you might be triggered emotionally when talking about the conversation, or when you think your spouse might be triggered when having the conversation, the conversation is a crucial conversation.
It is crucial because if they have the conversation, it might lead to high emotions which may result in damage to the relationship. It is also crucial because if there is no conversation, not resolving the issue will lead to further disengagement. This will lead to damage in the relationship.
What is a Crucial Conversation?
A crucial conversation is a conversation that has a high degree of probability that it will involve emotions. Some conversations do not involve emotions and are not emotional. However, when you think you might be triggered emotionally when talking about the conversation, or when you think your spouse might be triggered when having the conversation, the conversation is a crucial conversation.
It is crucial because if they have the conversation, it might lead to high emotions which may result in damage to the relationship. It is also crucial because if there is no conversation, not resolving the issue will lead to further disengagement. This will lead to damage in the relationship.
What is a Crucial Conversation?
A crucial conversation is a conversation that has a high degree of probability that it will involve emotions. Some conversations do not involve emotions and are not emotional. However, when you think you might be triggered emotionally when talking about the conversation, or when you think your spouse might be triggered when having the conversation, the conversation is a crucial conversation.
It is crucial because if they have the conversation, it might lead to high emotions which may result in damage to the relationship. It is also crucial because if there is no conversation, not resolving the issue will lead to further disengagement. This will lead to damage in the relationship.
Too many couples have called us over the years in despair at the eleventh hour asking for help. Frequently when we meet with the couple in our office for a full day Marriage Intensive, what we learn is that they have unresolved issues that neither is willing to have a conversation about. The thing that is in their way, (usually because it elicits one or more of the Marriage Killers) is fear. They are afraid to have any in depth conversation.
Fear has so much power. When it is around, we usually get stuck. We become paralyzed and fail to act. We stop and hide. We run away from the issue as fast as we can. Fear debilitates us and moves us away from each other instead of toward each other.