We love our favorite television shows. We know the words to a half a dozen television theme songs, including The Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, Big Bang Theory and Mike and Molly. We have gone through periods of watching too much TV!

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., “the average American watches more than four hours of TV a day”. That is an average of twenty-eight hours per week. In a 65-year life span, the average American will have spent nine years glued to the tube.

It is nice to just vegetate. To sit in front of the television and not have to think about what is going on at work or when bills are due or how our relationship is going or all the things we wish we would have done.

In Seth Godin’s book, What To Do When It’s Your Turn, he said it this way: “Television demands passivity. It entertains us with the masses, all mesmerized by a glowing hearth, all in sync, all in the service of what the media company wants to sell us.”

What we watch is usually not supportive of Christian marriages or families. There is an average of fourteen minutes and fifteen seconds of advertising per hour, which turns out to be about an hour of advertisements a day. When we do watch programs that promote lifelong marriage, we are bombarded with advertisements that tell us what we have, who we are, how our relationship is going and how we look is not good enough… that we need something else, more or better.

Joshua Becker said it this way: “In almost all regards, television rarely depicts the world and life accurately. As a result, too much television results in disillusionment about what to expect from the world around us. This can be most detrimental to our relationships when the unrealistic expectations are applied to our marriage, family, love, romance, and sexuality.”

We have noticed when working with couples over the years, that television viewing goes up when the relationship is struggling or stuck. We believe that vegetating in front of the television is a place to hide from the relationship issues in our marriage. And in hiding from having the crucial conversations our marriage needs most, we are simply letting the television program us to relational failure.

If there is anything at all that you want to improve in your marriage, then you are wasting opportunities to make your marriage better when you give your time and attention to television or other entertainment devices. The choice you are making is programming you to fail at your marriage relationship.

We are encouraging you to move from being the programmed to becoming the programmer of the relationship you really want. Stop giving permission to television programmers to tell you how unsatisfied your relationship is and start giving attention and effort to making changes in your marriage that creates the lifelong love you really want.

Pick one of the following approaches to limit your television or entertainment device programming in an effort to turn toward your spouse and do the things that will help you build the marriage you want:

• Choose only one hour each of television or entertainment-device viewing a day (including news). Watch each other’s programs together. With your extra free time, tackle a project together or get to know each other again. Really listen with every cell in your body.
• Take a weekly “NO TV DAY” and turn all your entertainment devices off. Spend time being together, playing a game, on a date or sharing a book together. Plan a day trip or vacation together. Hug on each other! Learn your spouse’s love language.
• If your spouse does not want to play along, tackle either of the above approaches unilaterally. When not watching television, do the things that help turn toward your spouse. Pray for your spouse and your marriage. Build a list of things you most appreciate about your spouse and share one or more with them.
• Move the television out of the bedroom. Change what you first think about and what your last thought is daily. Increase sexual connection. Enjoy the benefits of not being sold when you are at your weakest energy levels.

As with any change, you can expect resistance. You and your spouse will both struggle with the change at first, but the more you adjust to the change, the easier it will get.

When you try one of these for at least a month, let us know how it works for you. What changes do you notice within yourself? How has it changed how you think about your relationship? What conversations are you having that you would not have started with the interruption of television? How has it affected your marriage relationship.

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2015. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].