The Five Most Powerful Ways To Pursue Your Spouse

Jackie and Kurt had fallen out of love. Seven years into the marriage, Jackie was focused on raising their two young children. Her energy was spent by the time Kurt walked in the door. Focused on his career, Kurt frequently worked late and was frustrated by the lack of appreciation for all he was doing to provide for the family.

When Jackie called to schedule the marriage intensive, she said, “I don’t think my husband loves me anymore.” When they arrived Kurt stated that he doubted if she loved or respected him anymore. The future of their marriage was in jeopardy.

Lost That Loving Feeling

Like so many young couples in the child-rearing years of marriage, Jackie and Kurt had unconsciously traded putting their energy toward building a passionate life-long marriage for providing for and parenting their children. Home management, budget, and chores replaced the things their pursuit of each other.

Your spouse wants to feel pursued.

Your spouse wants to be wooed.

Your spouse wants to believe you want them, and only them.

Your spouse wants to feel desired.

Five Ways To Pursue Your Spouse

  1. Practice Responsibility – Review what your contribution to the current relationship issues are and take responsibility for it. Try out this phrase: “I take full responsibility for… and I apologize.” You can probably think of more than one thing you can give your spouse with this phrase.
  2. Move Toward – Take advantage of the four most important moments of every day and make a move toward your spouse each moment. When they first wake up, before they leave for their out of the house activities, as they re-enter the house after their activities, and before they go to sleep. Give them a kind word and some form of physical connection every time.
  3. Appreciate – Give your spouse some gratitude by telling them what it is that you most appreciate about them.   Tell them what character qualities you love about them. Thank them for what they do that you appreciate about them.
  4. Check In Connect with them about their day and share about your day. Listen without giving advice or trying to help them. Create “we-ness” by letting your spouse know what is going on in your world outside of the house.
  5. Date – Ask your spouse out on a date. Schedule it and coordinate childcare. It does not have to cost much or anything at all. Spend time together connecting without talking about the kids, money, chores, in-laws, or issues in the marriage. Let your spouse know that you love them and want them.

Jackie and Kurt completed the marriage intensive over five years ago. They are past the hard parenting and career building stage and are still practicing what they learned that day. They claim the most powerful thing that they are doing as they pursue each other is the Check In as it makes them both feel emotionally connected.

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This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at © Roy and Devra Wooten 2017. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].