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Be Courageous In The Face of Criticism

Stewart tells us that he takes a beating every day. “I come home physically and mentally tired from working twelve hours for my family and she’s right on me the very minute I come in the house.”

Stewart and Brianna had been married less than a year when he called for a Marriage Intensive. “I can’t take it anymore. I can never do anything right”.

Criticism In Marriage

Stewart and Brianna are like most couples. There always seems to be one spouse with a sharper tongue who is not afraid to use it to express how they feel or what they want. Criticism is one of the four Marriage Killers that, left untended, will destroy a marriage relationship.

The truth is that all married couples experience criticism. In fact, all spouses at some time in their marriage will employ criticism. All spouses at some point in their marriage will feel the attack of criticism from their spouse.

‘…you shouldn’t exhaust yourself in bickering; instead, be gentle… ready and able to teach, tolerant without resentment,’ 2 Timothy 2:24b,d (VOICE)

Courage When Under Attack

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When Your Husband Refuses To Be The Spiritual Leader of the Home

Beverly called to schedule a Marriage Intensive. “I’m a very strong Christian but my husband refuses to be the spiritual leader of our home.” Over the next few minutes she described how this issue was negatively affecting every part of their marriage relationship.

Jeff and Beverly had different approaches to their relationship with God.

  • Beverly enjoys daily time reading the Bible and Jeff listens to sermons on the way to work every morning.
  • Beverly is at almost every event at church and Jeff attends those that he could be of service in some way.
  • Beverly loves attending worship service and emotionally responds to worship music while Jeff seems totally un-phased and stoic during worship music time.
  • Beverly feels filled-up after attending events with several teachers while Jeff has trouble sitting and paying attention more than about thirty minutes and returns home drained.
  • Beverly wants Jeff to approach every problem in their marriage first with a prayer while Jeff is happy with praying together at meal times and on special occasions.
  • Beverly’s connects with God in solitude, prayer, reading the Bible and corporate worship while Jeff feels closest to God when he is serving other people or viewing God’s beautiful creating outdoors.

Demanding Your Spouse Loves God The Same Way You Do

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Not Telling The Truth Is Ruining Your Marriage

How does a spouse go from “until death do us part” to engaging in an affair?

What moves someone from a life together forever commitment to I need what I need right now?

How can a spouse risk the loss of spouse and children for a few moments of pleasure?

Chips In Integrity

We recently got a chip in the front window of our vehicle. If you have ever had anything like that happen to you, you know what happens. A small chip seems like no big deal. You can still see clearly around it, and in fact you may not notice it unless you are looking for it.

Left untended, it begins to splinter and crack. It looks like a glass web as its effect spreads farther and wider. If you had forgotten in, you will certainly begin to notice its affect now.

With the spreading chip, the window still works. You can see around the crack. Everyone behind the window is still safe.

Left untended, it broadens. The very integrity of the front window glass becomes compromised. You and everyone in your vehicle’s safety, and life, become at risk.

Untended Lies Spread And Put You And Your Marriage At Risk

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Lose The YOU’s and Use The I’s

We have learned a great many things in our experiences with couples who have come to our Life Together Forever Couples Retreats and Workshops and who have been through one of our Marriage Intensives.

While teaching how to communicate to your spouse in a way they will receive it, one of the wives raised her hand and said, “I need to lose the YOUs and Use the I’s”. We told her that it would be in one of our next several blogs because it is so good.

My Spouse Never Hears Me

If you are like most spouses, you have a season at some time in your marriage where you feel like your spouse just does not hear what you are saying. Because they have shown no evidence that they understand what you want them to do or stop doing, you have likely begun to do things that actually cause more harm in your relationship.

When your spouse does not hear you, you may be one who talks louder and louder until you are screaming. Or maybe you throw a fit. Or maybe you just say the same thing over and over believing that repetition will make him understand it. Perhaps you withdraw and move away. Or you stop communicating anything at all.

Nothing I Can Do Until My Spouse Listens

‘Warn them before God to stop their useless bickering over words. After all, splitting hairs does no good; it only ruins those forced to listen to their meritless arguments.’ 2 Timothy 2:14b

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It’s Not Really About The Toothpaste

Barry packed a suitcase and announced at the garage door that he was moving out. “Go *&!@#$% yourself”, Stacie yelled back. He pulled out of the garage headed for the couch at the office with tears in his eyes as she sat balling on the living room couch.

It had all started over an argument about toothpaste. She wanted him to stop leaving toothpaste residue in the sink and to stop leaving his toothpaste tube on the counter. He shut down and stopped talking. With no response, she came at him louder and stronger to try to get confirmation from him. Less than minutes later, they were separated.

Stacie called to set up a Marriage Intensive. They had been to a marriage counselor before and had also been to their minister several times over their thirty years of marriage. Barry refused to try counseling again as it always ended up in them yelling at each other in the counselor’s office. Their minister helped them have more grace and forgiveness but the issues would just pop again in the next week. She wanted to try something different because she was scared this was finally the end.

It’s Not About The Toothpaste

Within the first couple of hours of the Marriage Intensive, we helped each person discover the real issue behind the toothpaste argument.

‘Work toward unity, and live in harmony with one another. ‘ Romans 12:16a (VOICE)

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When My Spouse’s World View and Dreams Are Different Than Mine

Rhonda called frustrated that she and her husband do not want to be around each other at all. “When we don’t talk to each other, it feels tolerable. But any time we talk, we get into an argument that usually ends in yelling. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Like many couples who have called us for a full day Marriage Intensive, Terry and Rhonda had fell into a negative pattern of interacting. They were stuck in a cycle of relationship death.

When we met, Terry said, “I am a quarterback. I call the plays. I call the audibles. I lead my team to victory. “ At the heart of his contribution to the problems in the marriage was a life dream and world view that was killing his marriage.

‘… even if they don’t obey God’s word, as they observe your pure respectful behavior, they may be persuaded without a word by the way you live.’ I Peter 3:2 (VOICE)

World View

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How Do I Handle The Silent Treatment?

Philip called for help in his marriage. “I see no reason for me to stay in a relationship where she won’t talk to me for days. How do I handle the silent treatment?”

Over the course of the day with us in the Marriage Intensive, Philip and Kelsi each found things that they could do to create the healthy marriage they had always wanted. One of the keys to making their marriage work was Kelsi’s willingness to discover what was behind her behavior that was causing Philip so much pain and leading to his consideration of ending the relationship.

‘Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight!’ I Corinthians 13:4-6 (VOICE)

The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse

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The Power Of Appreciation In Your Marriage

Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life.   When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/93963757@N05/

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Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language

During the first month of our marriage in 1988, Devra wanted to show how much she loved Roy. She prepared a wonderful bubble bath, with candles, a cold drink and dimmed lighting. When she showed it to Roy, he thought that she was going to jump in with him. But instead she left the room and did not return.

Discover how to love your spouse in a way they will be able to receive it!

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Can Your Marriage Survive This Political Season?

The RNC and DNC conventions are over and now it is on. This political season is working out to be a very crazy one. Whether you support Trump, love Hillary, push for the other guy, or wish Bernie or Cruz were still in it, every newscast, social media feed and magazine has a reference to an issue or a politician. Political ads are filling our video views and television programs. No doubt, it is on!

For some, it is a spectator sport. We watch it as if watching our favorite team compete. Some enjoy the voyeurism of it all. We watch to see the implosions and scandals of candidates. Some of us do not care one bit and we can hardly wait until it is all over and we are able to experience life politics free again.

Then there are the political junkies. We listen to talk radio all day and binge watch debates and speeches from our political candidate and foes. We buy the merchandise, go to meetings, give and raise money, and champion the cause of our candidate. We are consumed with politics and pay little attention to much else.

‘Listen, don’t get trapped in brainless debates; avoid competition over family trees or pedigrees; stay away from fights and disagreements over the law. They are a waste of your time.’ Titus 3:9 (VOICE)

How This Political Season Can Damage Your Marriage