Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life. When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.
One of the most surprising findings of our work with thousands of couples over the years is that it only takes one spouse to change a marriage. One spouse can go outside of the marriage for something they have not created and developed in their marriage sabotaging any hope for their future together. One spouse can meet with a divorce industry attorney and file in courage. One spouse alone can end the marriage.
You have incredible power to create the change in your marriage you desire.
Healthy relationships add to quality of life, life satisfaction, positive well-being and better health. Investing time and energy into our relationships improves our health, household income, career and genuine happiness. The smallest changes in our interaction with those we care most about can make a huge difference in the health of our relationships.
You have probably already set New Year’s Resolutions that involve working out, eating healthy, perhaps taking additional classes or making other investments in your career. Do not overlook the power of making small changes to strengthen your relationship and improve your chances of reaching your goals in other lifestyle areas. Here are fifteen tips for better relationships in the New Year.
What is a Crucial Conversation?
A crucial conversation is a conversation that has a high degree of probability that it will involve emotions. Some conversations do not involve emotions and are not emotional. However, when you think you might be triggered emotionally when talking about the conversation, or when you think your spouse might be triggered when having the conversation, the conversation is a crucial conversation.
It is crucial because if they have the conversation, it might lead to high emotions which may result in damage to the relationship. It is also crucial because if there is no conversation, not resolving the issue will lead to further disengagement. This will lead to damage in the relationship.
What is a Crucial Conversation?
A crucial conversation is a conversation that has a high degree of probability that it will involve emotions. Some conversations do not involve emotions and are not emotional. However, when you think you might be triggered emotionally when talking about the conversation, or when you think your spouse might be triggered when having the conversation, the conversation is a crucial conversation.
It is crucial because if they have the conversation, it might lead to high emotions which may result in damage to the relationship. It is also crucial because if there is no conversation, not resolving the issue will lead to further disengagement. This will lead to damage in the relationship.
What is a Crucial Conversation?
A crucial conversation is a conversation that has a high degree of probability that it will involve emotions. Some conversations do not involve emotions and are not emotional. However, when you think you might be triggered emotionally when talking about the conversation, or when you think your spouse might be triggered when having the conversation, the conversation is a crucial conversation.
It is crucial because if they have the conversation, it might lead to high emotions which may result in damage to the relationship. It is also crucial because if there is no conversation, not resolving the issue will lead to further disengagement. This will lead to damage in the relationship.
Too many couples have called us over the years in despair at the eleventh hour asking for help. Frequently when we meet with the couple in our office for a full day Marriage Intensive, what we learn is that they have unresolved issues that neither is willing to have a conversation about. The thing that is in their way, (usually because it elicits one or more of the Marriage Killers) is fear. They are afraid to have any in depth conversation.
Fear has so much power. When it is around, we usually get stuck. We become paralyzed and fail to act. We stop and hide. We run away from the issue as fast as we can. Fear debilitates us and moves us away from each other instead of toward each other.
Relationships are challenging. And sometimes encouragement seems to be missing from our friends, family members and spouse. It is up to each of us to find encouragement and find hope in a difficult challenging moment.
That is exactly why we began developing and sharing relationship tips. Originally we developed over 150 but now we have enough for one a day for a year. And we post them regularly to encourage couples free on our social media posts.
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Find encouraging relationship tips to give you a pick up in your relationship day by day and week by week. Use them to continue to create the relationship your heart desires most!
Working with struggling couples for years, we know that sometimes the relationship problem is a surprise. Other times we know exactly what we did to cause the problem.
We have observed 4 patterns of reaction to relationship problems spouses engage in that actually hurt more than they help. They seem “good” because they keep us from feeling or dealing with the issue. That temporary relief fades quickly when the issue reoccurs. They always end up getting in the way of our goal of a lifelong relationship.
Holidays can be a stressful time for couples and families. Negative patterns of interaction can multiply as almost all communication becomes focused on the tasks of the holiday. Frequently feelings are hurt in the mix and there are long periods of negative emotions and energy.
Turn your relationships around during the holidays by implementing these tips for making memories!