My Spouse’s Best Friend Is Hurting Our Marriage

Trevor was so angry when he called, “I believe my Shandra’s best friend is working to destroy our marriage.”

Shandra and Trevor have been married for seventeen years. She’s a stay-at-home mother of three and Trevor is an executive in an oil related fabrication business. They came into the marriage intensive because Trevor felt like Shandra has not interest in the marriage any more.

When Friends Threaten Your Marriage

Friends can create trust issues and begin to threaten the marriage when they do things like the following:

  • Friend demands a “night out” of fun every week or several times a week without spouse’s input or approval.
  • Conversation with friend is generally negative about marriage and spouses.
  • The friend gives advice that leads to questioning the trust of your spouse.
  • Friend’s opinion and input becomes more important and influential in decision making than your spouses.
  • Friend encourages your small breaks with integrity. “You deserve it.”.
  • Friend is single, in an open marriage, or cheating on their relationship.
  • Friends “supports” you by telling you that your spouse’s frustration with their relationship is their attempt to control you.

“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. Proverbs 16:28 (NIV)

What To Do When Your Spouse’s Best Friend Is Hurting Your Marriage

  1. Pray – Take this issue to God and ask for His guidance. Ask Him to open the eyes of your spouse to see what is going on in your marriage. Ask for peace.
  2. Schedule A Courageous Conversation – Use the Courageous Conversation Rules to plan and implement a courageous conversation about the issue. Do it when you are not emotionally triggered. Have the conversation focus on your commitment to a better future together.
  3. Get Help If You Need It – If the conversation does not go well or if you believe it will be impossible for the two of you to have the conversation, ask for help. Meet with a minister, Christian Counselor, or contact us for help at 281-949-8115.

What To Do When Your Spouse Thinks Your Friend Is Hurting Your Marriage

As long as you are not in a dangerous relationship, follow these tips to hear your spouse’s issues about your friend.

  • Check Yourself – Are you placing your relationship with your friend above your marriage?
  • Stop Talking Bad About Your Spouse – Not only should you not say negative things about your spouse, but you should defend your spouse to anyone who is making such comments. End it now.
  • Invest In Your Marriage – Spend at least one hour investing in your marriage relationship for every hour you spend out with your friend.
  • Invite Spouse Into Friendship – Invite your spouse into the friendship to be a part of your time with your friend. If you are doing things that make your spouse uncomfortable when they are with you, you should not do them when they are not with you.
  • Be Open To Listen – Be open to hear and listen to your spouse. Yield to give them the equal opportunity they deserve in your marriage.
  • Speak Your TruthSpeak your truth about what needs your relationship with your friend are meeting and discover how you may be able to get those needs met within your marriage or in a way that your spouse does not feel threatened.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers.  Have you ever been threatened by your spouse’s friend?  Have you ever had a friend that you knew was bad for your marriage?  What have you done to protect your marriage from such friends?  What will you do this week to make your marriage stronger and protect your marriage?  What other suggestions you would add to this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.