Category Archives: Creating The Marriage You Want

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When My Spouse’s World View and Dreams Are Different Than Mine

Rhonda called frustrated that she and her husband do not want to be around each other at all. “When we don’t talk to each other, it feels tolerable. But any time we talk, we get into an argument that usually ends in yelling. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Like many couples who have called us for a full day Marriage Intensive, Terry and Rhonda had fell into a negative pattern of interacting. They were stuck in a cycle of relationship death.

When we met, Terry said, “I am a quarterback. I call the plays. I call the audibles. I lead my team to victory. “ At the heart of his contribution to the problems in the marriage was a life dream and world view that was killing his marriage.

‘… even if they don’t obey God’s word, as they observe your pure respectful behavior, they may be persuaded without a word by the way you live.’ I Peter 3:2 (VOICE)

World View

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How Do I Handle The Silent Treatment?

Philip called for help in his marriage. “I see no reason for me to stay in a relationship where she won’t talk to me for days. How do I handle the silent treatment?”

Over the course of the day with us in the Marriage Intensive, Philip and Kelsi each found things that they could do to create the healthy marriage they had always wanted. One of the keys to making their marriage work was Kelsi’s willingness to discover what was behind her behavior that was causing Philip so much pain and leading to his consideration of ending the relationship.

‘Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight!’ I Corinthians 13:4-6 (VOICE)

The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse

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The Power Of Appreciation In Your Marriage

Linda and Dan had over two decades of marriage under their belt. With one child in high school and the other in middle school, this should have been some of the best years of their marriage and life.   When they called us, Linda was considering separating because she could not “stay in a passionless marriage one more day.” We met them in a full day Marriage Intensive solely focused on improving their relationship. Dan seemed clueless that there was any problem.

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Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language

During the first month of our marriage in 1988, Devra wanted to show how much she loved Roy. She prepared a wonderful bubble bath, with candles, a cold drink and dimmed lighting. When she showed it to Roy, he thought that she was going to jump in with him. But instead she left the room and did not return.

Discover how to love your spouse in a way they will be able to receive it!

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Can Your Marriage Survive This Political Season?

The RNC and DNC conventions are over and now it is on. This political season is working out to be a very crazy one. Whether you support Trump, love Hillary, push for the other guy, or wish Bernie or Cruz were still in it, every newscast, social media feed and magazine has a reference to an issue or a politician. Political ads are filling our video views and television programs. No doubt, it is on!

For some, it is a spectator sport. We watch it as if watching our favorite team compete. Some enjoy the voyeurism of it all. We watch to see the implosions and scandals of candidates. Some of us do not care one bit and we can hardly wait until it is all over and we are able to experience life politics free again.

Then there are the political junkies. We listen to talk radio all day and binge watch debates and speeches from our political candidate and foes. We buy the merchandise, go to meetings, give and raise money, and champion the cause of our candidate. We are consumed with politics and pay little attention to much else.

‘Listen, don’t get trapped in brainless debates; avoid competition over family trees or pedigrees; stay away from fights and disagreements over the law. They are a waste of your time.’ Titus 3:9 (VOICE)

How This Political Season Can Damage Your Marriage

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Is Your Spouse Number One In Your Life?

Evan called to tell us, “My wife makes everyone else more important than me. All I get is the left overs.”

Evan was calling to schedule a Marriage Intensive. He had found someone at work who was making time for him, making him feel special, and reciprocating his compliments toward her. Thankfully his wife discovered text messages before it moved into a physical relationship.

Evan is like many spouses we have seen over the years: wives and husbands who feel alone in their own marriage. They are committed to the marriage and giving to their spouses, but their good “spousing” (word we made up years ago) was not being reciprocated in any way.

What Makes Your Spouse Feel Last

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Are You Creating The Marriage That You Want?

One of the challenges of doing life together forever is that almost every one of us will at some time or another feel stuck in a rut.

The story goes that an ancient man was stuck in a rut. He could not move forward or backward but in doing so only deepened the rut he found himself in. He began blaming those in his life who had sent him down that trail. He found himself depressed and sad. Then with all his effort, he began putting all his efforts and strength into doing what he knew to do to get out. He dug harder and deeper which in the end resulted in being his very own grave.

Stuck In Marriage

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Can A Marriage Be Restored After An Affair?

Melissa called for a marriage intensive the week that her affair was discovered by her husband. Her individual counselor had told her, “If you can get James to go, it’s the only thing I know that has a chance to save your marriage.”

When she called she said, “I don’t know if this marriage can be saved. He kicked me out of the house. I don’t know if James will ever forgive me or trust me again.”

‘Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.’ I Corinthians 13:7 (VOICE)

Affairs Are Rarely About Sex

During the first hour together, we were able to learn that James has set up his life so that he doesn’t express or trust his feelings. His father was abusive to him and his mother. He learned early on not to express his feelings or he would be belittled or beaten.   As a law enforcement official, this way of doing life worked well for him and he was highly respected by his supervisors and peers.

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Traveling Spouse’s Tips For Leaving

James and Cindy spent a day with us in a Marriage Intensive recently working on a fragile marriage. James has a job that requires about 50% travel.

“I don’t mind that he needs to travel for his job or that he is gone for three and four days at a time. What bothers me so much is that when he is here her doesn’t notice that I am around. The worst part about it is when he is about to leave. He is always in a hurry and we end up in an argument as he blames me as he leaves the house.” Cindy said.

Departure Stress

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Making Your Wedding Anniversary Special

We recently celebrated our twenty-eighth wedding anniversary! It’s hard to believe that we met and started dating thirty-four years ago. We have done a lot of life together!

Unlike most of our blogs, this one is a glimpse into our personal life and the celebration of our twenty-eighty wedding anniversary. We hope by sharing you will be inspired to create your own unique and fun wedding anniversary.

Each Wedding Anniversary Is Unique

Each wedding anniversary is different. Some years we were very connected and things were strong between us. Other years we were so busy with careers and raising kids that we were not very deeply connected. Some wedding anniversaries fell on dates when one or both of us were between jobs. Other wedding anniversaries happened amidst medical issues for ourselves or one of our family members. Sometimes our wedding anniversary fell around the time we were grieving the passing of a loved one.