Are You Creating The Marriage That You Want?

One of the challenges of doing life together forever is that almost every one of us will at some time or another feel stuck in a rut.

The story goes that an ancient man was stuck in a rut. He could not move forward or backward but in doing so only deepened the rut he found himself in. He began blaming those in his life who had sent him down that trail. He found himself depressed and sad. Then with all his effort, he began putting all his efforts and strength into doing what he knew to do to get out. He dug harder and deeper which in the end resulted in being his very own grave.

Stuck In Marriage

  • You may feel stuck in your marriage because you keep feeling like your spouse doesn’t love, respect, care for, notice or like you, despite your best efforts.
  • You feel stuck in your marriage because you have lost that loving feeling and you want to feel passion and aliveness again, like it was in the beginning.
  • You feel stuck because another person in your life is showing you the attention and care that you are not getting in your marriage.
  • You feel stuck because you want to have sex frequently and sex is the farthest thing from your spouse’s mind.
  • You feel stuck because all you ever talk about with your spouse is what you are doing wrong, or not doing right, or not doing at all.

What You Do When You Are Stuck

  • Blame – Stuck people blame their spouse and others in their life for their stuckness.
  • Can’t – Stuck people believe that there is nothing that they can do to change the situation that they are in.
  • Wait On Spouse – Stuck people feel as if they are waiting on their spouse to change in order for them to have the marriage they want and until their spouse changes, there is nothing they can do.
  • Martyr – Stuck people feel like the stuck situation in their marriage is the “cross” they have to bear. They suffer as they carry the burden of their marriage.
  • Elsewhere – Stuck people begin looking outside of their marriage for our source for their emotional or physical needs they are not getting in the marriage.

Your Choice To Create The Marriage You Want

We recently read Brendon Burchard’s Life’s Golden Ticket. Brendon uses the analogy of a carnival to teach about how much power we truly have in creating the world, and the relationships, that we want in our heart of hearts. We love this great quote:

“When you were born a golden ticket was slipped into your soul’s pocket by your Creator. The ticket gave you privileged access to a world of choices – it granted you permission to be whoever you wanted to be and do whatever you wanted to do. You may not have known you were carrying this ticket all of your life, but you were. Life’s golden ticket is now in your hands and now is your moment of truth. You can either stand still and live in yesterday or you can step through the gates of possibility in the life you were truly meant to live. The only price of admission is to release any anger, hurt, worry, or resentment tied to your story and to have the clarity and strength to start anew. You can make new choices. You can live more fully. You can love more completely. You can make a greater difference. Every moment is a second chance to unleash and claim the life of purpose and contribution that is your destiny. But beware. The only promise in life is that soon the gates will close as there are only so many moments to live, love and matter. Stand still or step forward. The choice, as it always has been, is yours.” – Brendon Burchard in Life’s Golden Ticket

The Truth About Being Stuck

The truth about being stuck is that, most of the time, we are creating the stuckness in our life. Instead of  taking responsibility in our part of the problem, we blame our spouse. Sometimes we try harder, but we only use the same actions that have not worked in the past because it is all we know. When we try harder and get the same result, we believe we have “proof” that it is all our spouse’s fault and that we need to wait on them to change in order for us to get unstuck.

The truth about being stuck is that it is our choice. We can remain in the stuckness of our marriage, or we can try out some new things in order to get new and different results. We can listen to our spouse to find out how to better meet their needs. As we better meet our spouse’s needs, they will be in a much better place to better meet our needs.

The truth about being stuck is that we sometimes need a professional outside of our marriage to help move us through the stuckness. Sometimes it is someone on the outside who can best advise what will be helpful to you moving through your stuckness. It is a professional who can give you different tools and approaches to become the spouse you want to be and to create the marriage you truly want.

What do you have to say?

We love to hear from readers. Do you ever feel stuck in your marriage?  What other examples of being stuck in your marriage would you add to our list?  What behaviors do stuck people engage in that you would add to our list?  Do you believe that sometimes it is easier for a professional to see the marriage problem than trying to do it all yourself?  Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?

This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at [email protected].