Have you ever said these things to your spouse?
What’s the big deal?
Oh, that’s really nothing?
You’re making a mountain out of a mole-hill.
Have you ever heard those things from your spouse?
Chances are that when you did, you were receiving some type of criticism from your spouse. Perhaps you made a unilateral decision that was not a big deal to you but was of great importance to your spouse. Or you did something without your spouse that your spouse wanted to do.
You unintentionally did something insignificant to you that was highly significant and important to your spouse.
The Negative Way Of Making A Big Deal Out Of Nothing
When you make a big deal out of nothing, you add more challenges to your life.
- Stress – Seeing what happened as a big deal feeds on itself. You end up making the case for your cause, which adds to the importance in your mind of the issue. This leads you to having much more stress and your relationship feeling stressed.
- We Miss The Big Picture – Usually in the scheme of things, what seems monumental at the time is really a small matter that will not be remembered in the next month or year. You begin to unintentionally destroy the relationship that means so much over something that, in the end, will not.
- We Move Against Or Away – When we are stressed and missing the big picture, we either turn away from our spouse through hiding or withdrawing, or we turn against our spouse and get big and loud.
Dealing With The Negative Way Of Making A Big Deal Out Of Nothing
Here are some helpful tips for dealing with the negative way of making a big deal out of nothing.
- Pray – Inviting God into the situation can make a huge difference. Take a moment or two and pray to yourself.
- Take A Timeout – Anytime you are emotionally triggered, it is important to take a time out and regain your composure. You cannot think clearly when you are angry or hurt so it is the worst time to have a conversation about the issue.
- State Your Complaint – Use the complaint formula in the Courageous Conversation Rules to tell your spouse what you want from them going forward.
- Listen – If you are the one that triggered your spouse by saying it is not a big deal, you need to stop and listen. Trying to convince your spouse that something that is so important to them is not important in the grand scheme of things is a fool’s errand. Accept the importance to them and listen for what they want from you in the future.
- Take Responsibility – Where you can, take responsibility for how you have contributed to this incident. Even if you can only take responsibility for 2% of the issue, offer that to your spouse with an apology.
What do you have to say?
We love to hear from readers. Have you ever thought something was a bid deal that your spouse through was insignificant? Has your spouse ever made a big deal out of nothing? How did you handle the situation? What has worked and not worked? Have you ever tried any of the suggestions we offered? What other suggestions you would add to this article? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?
This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.