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Is Your Spouse Number One In Your Life?

Evan called to tell us, “My wife makes everyone else more important than me. All I get is the left overs.”

Evan was calling to schedule a Marriage Intensive. He had found someone at work who was making time for him, making him feel special, and reciprocating his compliments toward her. Thankfully his wife discovered text messages before it moved into a physical relationship.

Evan is like many spouses we have seen over the years: wives and husbands who feel alone in their own marriage. They are committed to the marriage and giving to their spouses, but their good “spousing” (word we made up years ago) was not being reciprocated in any way.

What Makes Your Spouse Feel Last

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Are You A Good Husband?

It seems like the definition of what it means to be a good husband keeps morphing over time. What was once heralded as good is now looked upon as being controlling or inadequate.

We believe that when a man seeks to marry, he wants to be a good husband. But too often he is ill equipped to be all that his spouse needs and wants. And it is unrealistic to meet a moving target of what it means to be a man, much less, a husband.

1950’s Assessment of What It Means To Be A Good Husband

Dr. George Crane published a test for husbands in the 1950s. Here are some of the items on the list:

Positive Attributes:

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Are You Creating The Marriage That You Want?

One of the challenges of doing life together forever is that almost every one of us will at some time or another feel stuck in a rut.

The story goes that an ancient man was stuck in a rut. He could not move forward or backward but in doing so only deepened the rut he found himself in. He began blaming those in his life who had sent him down that trail. He found himself depressed and sad. Then with all his effort, he began putting all his efforts and strength into doing what he knew to do to get out. He dug harder and deeper which in the end resulted in being his very own grave.

Stuck In Marriage

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Can A Marriage Be Restored After An Affair?

Melissa called for a marriage intensive the week that her affair was discovered by her husband. Her individual counselor had told her, “If you can get James to go, it’s the only thing I know that has a chance to save your marriage.”

When she called she said, “I don’t know if this marriage can be saved. He kicked me out of the house. I don’t know if James will ever forgive me or trust me again.”

‘Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.’ I Corinthians 13:7 (VOICE)

Affairs Are Rarely About Sex

During the first hour together, we were able to learn that James has set up his life so that he doesn’t express or trust his feelings. His father was abusive to him and his mother. He learned early on not to express his feelings or he would be belittled or beaten.   As a law enforcement official, this way of doing life worked well for him and he was highly respected by his supervisors and peers.

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Traveling Spouse’s Tips For Leaving

James and Cindy spent a day with us in a Marriage Intensive recently working on a fragile marriage. James has a job that requires about 50% travel.

“I don’t mind that he needs to travel for his job or that he is gone for three and four days at a time. What bothers me so much is that when he is here her doesn’t notice that I am around. The worst part about it is when he is about to leave. He is always in a hurry and we end up in an argument as he blames me as he leaves the house.” Cindy said.

Departure Stress

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Making Your Wedding Anniversary Special

We recently celebrated our twenty-eighth wedding anniversary! It’s hard to believe that we met and started dating thirty-four years ago. We have done a lot of life together!

Unlike most of our blogs, this one is a glimpse into our personal life and the celebration of our twenty-eighty wedding anniversary. We hope by sharing you will be inspired to create your own unique and fun wedding anniversary.

Each Wedding Anniversary Is Unique

Each wedding anniversary is different. Some years we were very connected and things were strong between us. Other years we were so busy with careers and raising kids that we were not very deeply connected. Some wedding anniversaries fell on dates when one or both of us were between jobs. Other wedding anniversaries happened amidst medical issues for ourselves or one of our family members. Sometimes our wedding anniversary fell around the time we were grieving the passing of a loved one.

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Marriage Quotes That Inspire Us

Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love. Billy Graham

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. Ruth Pell Graham

When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. C.S. Lewis

As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two. Thomas Adams

A long-lasting marriage is built by two people who believe in -and live by- the solemn promise they made. Darlene Schacht

Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice. Fawn Weaver

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Common Law Marriage Mess

You feel that loving feeling. One of you makes the offer for the other to move in. You feel like it is taking your relationship forward, to a new level. You make the move without the permanence of the marriage commitment.

Two years later, you find out you are going to be a parent. You move into a larger home in a new neighborhood. You still are not married, but you tell all your neighbors you live with your spouse. One assumes the others last name socially.

Life gets hard and so does the relationship. The relationship ends. Your total way of living is changed. You are looking for a new home, trying to recover the financial gaps of not sharing expenses and working through visitation.

You go to court to get things settled in writing and the judge dismisses the case because you are not legally married and there is not enough evidence that you are in a common law marriage.

You are on your own to figure it all out.

Problems With Common Law Marriages