Look on most lists of things we fear most and you will find intimacy listed in some description. Yet we are born with the deep desire to love and be loved. Deep connection in an open and honest relationship is what our hearts most desire.

God put in our hearts the need for love. In our childhood and teen years, we experienced breaks in trust, humiliation, embarrassment, and shame. In order to protect our hearts for the hurt and pain, we developed a protective filter that keeps our inner most thoughts and feelings secret.

Marriane Williamson put it this way, “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn.” Life is a journey of “unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth.”

We think we are protecting our hearts from being hurt again, yet we still find ourselves in hurt and pain. The only way to have the deep connection and intimate love that we want is to remove the protective filter and share our inner most thoughts and feelings… to stand naked, intellectually and emotionally, in front of our spouse.

We have written previously about the importance of three-legged table upon which your marriage sits.  Passion, Connection, and Commitment are each just as essential as the other. One of the critical ingredients to having the marriage you have always wanted is Passion.

How Connected Is Your Marriage?

The best sex you will ever have is in a long term marriage relationship!

Over sixty years of research consistently states that marriage is where the hot bed of sex is. Married couples have sex more frequently and with broader variety of sexual experiences than singles or cohabitating couples.

Sex is good. What makes marriage different is the long term, life long, nature within which sex takes place. Married couples are consistently more satisfied with their sex life than those who are not married. But passion, that feeling of desire and attraction toward your spouse, comes and goes.

We have written previously about the importance of three-legged table upon which your marriage sits.  Passion, Connection, and Commitment are each just as essential as the other. One of the critical ingredients to having the marriage you have always wanted is Passion.

The Passionate Love Assessment

Roy was over 10,000 feet hanging out the side of plane when he heard the instructor say, “3….2…1…Go”. The guy before him had backed out… sat on the edge until someone pulled him back in toward the back of the plane. The time of decision had arrived. Was Roy going to be “All In” or wait for another opportunity?

He jumped. There are few experiences that give a person the incredible rush of traveling 120 miles per hour in free fall or the wonderful experience of gliding through the air peacefully with the beauty of the sky and earth around you after your parachute deploys.

But you will never experience them if you don’t jump. If you are not “All In”, you will not know the joy of the experience.

The same is true for commitment in your relationship.

We have written previously about the importance of three-legged table upon which your marriage sits.  Passion, Connection, and Commitment are each just as essential as the other. One of the critical ingredients to having the marriage you have always wanted is commitment.

How committed are you?

Kim stopped us after a Laugh & Love Date Night event with a question. “Ya’ll are so funny… this was great.  Besides going to things like this, what can I do right now to jump start my marriage getting back on the right track?”

Perhaps you are thinking the same thing. What can I do now, immediately, to make may marriage better, stronger, and closer?

Five Quick Wins

We spent the morning of the writing of this article watching a herd of deer eating and hanging out together on the shores of Lake Travis in Spicewood, TX. It is a beautiful and tranquil site with the lake in the background, seven or more different types of bird chirps in the air and a comfortable sixty-eight degree occasional breeze. Life is good!

We began talking about how important it is to eat together. It is amazing how many of our most important discussions have been over the dinner table. Every celebration we have shared has included food. And we both know what the other’s favorite meals and ordering preferences.

Meals Are Important

Have you ever gone on a date that ended up being a meeting about the kids, money problems, in-laws, work, chores, etc.?

Next time you go on a date, pull up this article on your smart phone and take the conversation in a totally different direction. Take turns answering the questions first. There are no wrong answers. Make it a night of discovery!

Rediscover your spouse and all the reasons you truly love them. Enjoy humor and discussion about things that have no emotional negativity. Take your date night to a whole other level!

Conversation Starters (adapted from Love Talk Starters by Les and Leslie Parrott)

Broken promises cause a lot of pain in our lives.

“He promised to take out the kitchen trash every day.”

“She said she was done with stopping for a drink with coworkers on the way home.”

“He told me he would take care of paying that bill.”

“I promised myself I would exercise daily, but I’ve done it but once in the last three weeks.”

Not Keeping Promises Hurts