Michael and Jessica were about an hour into a Marriage Intensive with us when we all four discovered something quite incredible: They both have the same core identity wound in their lives.

Michael’s Core Wound

Michael’s parents were together briefly as he was born but they never married. His father, in particular, was unengaged. He would show up for certain school functions, many times after drinking too much.

Too frequently when Michael sought out a brief “atta boy” from his father, he instead felt his father’s absence or, worse, sometimes heard his father’s criticism. His father, unintentionally, sent him a message that he is not goo enough.

Jessica’s Core Wound

Mark Batterson captures the essence of an incredibly brief story about Benaiah in 2 Samuel 23:20-21 with his book “In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day”. Benaiah was one of King David’s right hand men. But earlier in his story, he chased a lion during a snow storm into a pit and lived to tell about it.

According to Batterson, Benaiah was provided an opportunity to protect himself and his tribe. Instead of doing what made sense, doing something safe and easy, he did the hard thing. He went after the threat to his tribe. He took the fight to the threat instead of worrying and waiting to see if what he feared would kill his tribe.

We do not know much about Benaiah, but because of his faith in God and his incredible courage, he chased a lion into a pit and came out the victor. Because of it, King David gave him a promotion to chief in his army. He received everything that he wanted, in fact more than his heart’s desires, because he chased the lion threatening his whole world. 

What Are The Lions In Your Marriage?

Barry packed a suitcase and announced at the garage door that he was moving out. “Go *&!@#$% yourself”, Stacie yelled back. He pulled out of the garage headed for the couch at the office with tears in his eyes as she sat balling on the living room couch.

It had all started over an argument about toothpaste. She wanted him to stop leaving toothpaste residue in the sink and to stop leaving his toothpaste tube on the counter. He shut down and stopped talking. With no response, she came at him louder and stronger to try to get confirmation from him. Less than minutes later, they were separated.

Stacie called to set up a Marriage Intensive. They had been to a marriage counselor before and had also been to their minister several times over their thirty years of marriage. Barry refused to try counseling again as it always ended up in them yelling at each other in the counselor’s office. Their minister helped them have more grace and forgiveness but the issues would just pop again in the next week. She wanted to try something different because she was scared this was finally the end.

It’s Not About The Toothpaste

Within the first couple of hours of the Marriage Intensive, we helped each person discover the real issue behind the toothpaste argument.