Category Archives: Ministers and Pastors

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Can A Marriage Be Restored After An Affair?

Melissa called for a marriage intensive the week that her affair was discovered by her husband. Her individual counselor had told her, “If you can get James to go, it’s the only thing I know that has a chance to save your marriage.”

When she called she said, “I don’t know if this marriage can be saved. He kicked me out of the house. I don’t know if James will ever forgive me or trust me again.”

‘Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.’ I Corinthians 13:7 (VOICE)

Affairs Are Rarely About Sex

During the first hour together, we were able to learn that James has set up his life so that he doesn’t express or trust his feelings. His father was abusive to him and his mother. He learned early on not to express his feelings or he would be belittled or beaten.   As a law enforcement official, this way of doing life worked well for him and he was highly respected by his supervisors and peers.

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Relationship Counseling: Getting Help When Things Look Hopeless

Every couple has struggles.

Every couple!

Every spouse feels, at one time or another, like quitting.

Every spouse!

Relationships are hard. Doing life together forever is one of the greatest challenges in life.

Looking For Help In All The Wrong Places

When a spouse is struggling in their relationship, they will seek help. They usually begin by searching on the internet for relationship articles addressing their issue. They also search through magazines and books for some source of information that may be helpful.

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Be A Man And Marry Her!

In his early 30’s, Jeremy has been in one relationship after another. He falls in love and they move in together. After about a year or so, things begin to heat up and he feels pressured to put a ring on her finger. When he calls for coaching, he says the same things:

“I’m not financially stable enough to get married yet.”

“I don’t want to get married and end up divorced like my parents.”

“I’m not sure she is the one for me. I love her but we get into fights a lot and she is really annoying when she…”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to make such a long term commitment.”

‘Find a good spouse, you find a good life—and even more: the favor of God!’ Proverbs 18:22 (The Message)

Marriage In Decline

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Stuck In A Bad Marriage

Deidra was crying on the other end of the phone. “I don’t think I can take this any longer. I’ve been stuck in a bad marriage for eleven years. I never wanted to be like my parents and leave, but this is no way to live life.”

Deidra is like many of the couples we have met over the years in our Life Together Forever Weekends and in our Marriage Saving Intensives. For religious and cultural reasons, she is highly committed to her marriage. But her marriage is stuck in a seemingly never-ending negative cycle and it is affecting every other area of her life.

Signs You Are Stuck In A Bad Marriage

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What Every Dad Needs To Know About Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is just around the corner and Dad’s everywhere this week will be working on how to make this Mother’s Day wonderful for their wives.

‘Into the home of the childless wife, He sends children who are, for her, a cause of happiness beyond measure.’ Psalm 113:9 (VOICE)

There is no Mother’s Day Manual For Dads. Most new and young dads make rookie mistakes. Those of us who have been married a few decades have figured out how to get through Mother’s Day without having major snafus. Here are some easy tips to help set you up for success with this year’s Mother’s Day.

Making Mother’s Day Successful

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How To Pray Together

Shawn and Abby approached us during a break at one of our Life Together Forever Weekends.

“You talked about how important it is to pray together. We have never done that and we don’t know how to get started.”

The Power of Prayer In Your Marriage

One survey found that less than 1% of couples who pray regularly together get a divorce. It is astounding that there is one thing that best predicts a lifelong love. Prayer makes a difference in marriage.

  • Couples who pray together are on the same page with each other than couples who do not.
  • Couples who pray together are more emotionally connected with each other.
  • Couples who pray together focus more attention on each other.
  • Couples who pray together feel closer to God than those who do not.

Prayer Changes Marriages

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Are You Taking Care Of Yourself?

We remember being brought up singing a song at Vacation Bible Schools and Christian camps that had a chorus, “J.O.Y. – Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last.” That last part is a mantra that social pressures also give young men and women. In order to succeed, you must meet all the expectations of others in your life.

When Did Self Care Become Narcissistic?

Somewhere along the way, we began to believe that anything other than meeting the expectations of others meant that we were selfish, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. We do our very best, at the expense of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health, to perform up to expectations at school, home, work, and in our social group.

Over time, we ended up trying harder, occasionally failing, trying even harder, and occasionally failing and trying even harder. Women focus on being perfect in their jobs, marriages, parenting, churches, and social group. Men focus on meeting the expectations of leader, husband, father and masculinity.

You Can’t Take Care Of Others If You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12:30-31 (Message)

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April Fools

This April fools day had us thinking about the many scriptures that address the fool.  Proverbs 26 is a whole chapter dedicated to describing the fool.  We encourage you to look at this scripture with us and think about its message to you in your relationship to your spouse.  May your April Fools Day make your marriage stronger and healthier!

Proverbs 26 (VOICE)

Like snow in the summer and rain in the time of harvest,
    so honor is never fitting for a fool.
Like a bird that flits and flutters or a swallow in mid-flight,
    so a curse that lacks cause will never come to light.

A whip is for the horse, a bridle is for the donkey,

    and a rod is for the fool’s back.

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The Nasty Truth About Marriage Counseling

We have worked with a large number of married couples on the brink of divorce in our Marriage Intensives who have told us that they tried traditional marriage counseling and it has not worked. Too many couples who make the decision to divorce have had the same experience.

Studies reveal that traditional marriage counseling has some challenging results.

  • Less than 20% of couples made meaningful gains that lasted more than a year.
  • About 25% of couples report that their marriage is worse two years following traditional marriage counseling.
  • More than a third of people who try traditional marriage counseling divorce within the next four years.
  • 1 in 4 couples who completed 26 or more weekly marriage counseling sessions separated or divorced when the counseling sessions ended.
  • More than half of those who seek individual counseling for their marriage end up divorcing.

Why Traditional Marriage Counseling Fails