Over the last fifty plus years of research, married couples report higher satisfaction with their sex lives than singles or cohabitating couples. Sexual frequency and overall sexual satisfaction are consistently higher than what singles and cohabitating couples report.
What Makes Married Sex Better?
- God Designed It That Way – God built us with the gift of sex. He intended it to be enjoyable. He told us through the writers in the Bible that if we keep sex to the confines of marriage, he will bless it. When we go outside of His design for us, not only will our sexual life be less satisfying, but we will have natural and spiritual consequences.
- Commitment – Couples who are in a long-term committed relationship feel more freedom with their sexual expressions. Commitment gets married couples through the ups and downs of the passion roller coaster. One may not have that loving feeling for a period, but the couples commitment maintains the relationship for the passion to return.
- Emotional Connection = Better Sex – Research is clear: the more deeply connected a spouse feels to their spouse, the higher the passion for their spouse. Emotional connection deepens over time. Intimacy feels like it can never be better. But years of supporting, connecting and being vulnerable through the ups and downs in life leads to even deeper emotional connection and intimacy.
- Sexual Maturity – When you have sex with one person for a lifetime, you mature sexually together. Married couples find that time improves their sexual performance together. The more sex the married couple has, the more mature they become sexually. They learn the benefits of serving and giving to their spouse. Their maturity reduces inhibition and they try new sex approaches.
- Sex Talk – Married spouses learn how to teach their spouses what they desire in their sexuality. They become more comfortable training their spouse. They communicate their changing sexual preferences and desires. Over time, married couples are able to talk about things that singles and cohabitating couples rarely are comfortable enough to talk about to each other.
- Safety – Married spouses do not have to worry about STDs or STIs. There is sexual safety. And once you have made a decision about contraception, marriage sex does not involve the process of finding and using condoms or other devices. Couples who are out of the child-bearing years or who have made a permanent birth control solution experience another level of freedom in their sexual safety with each other.
- Convenience – Married couples have a huge advantage over singles sexually. They do not have to spend energy searching for their sexual partner. They have sex more often while singles are still searching for that person in their life.
Making Marriage Heat
Many married couples have come to us for help when they have lost that loving feeling. Here are some things you can do to improve your sexual life with your spouse.
- Fall In Love Again – Couples who do the things they did when they first began to fall in love increase their passion for each other. Talk to each other every day, date every week, and make the four most important minutes each day move your spouse toward you.
- Courageous Conversations – Have the courageous conversations around issues in your relationship that are keeping you from desiring your spouse.
- Sole Object of Affection – Make your spouse the sole object of your affection. Don’t look at porn, have lingering eyes for the delivery man or waitress, or fantasize about that movie star or neighbor.
- Withholding Sex – Stop withholding sex or using it as a weapon to punish your spouse.
- Touch – Touch your spouse in non-sexual ways. Sex begins outside of the bedroom with how we show affection and relate to our spouse.
- Sex Talk – Have the sex talk with your spouse. Talk about your sexual appetites.
- Spontaneity – Be spontaneous to increase libido. Add adventure to your sexual repertoire.
- Connect Emotionally – Make building intimacy a major part of your life. Intentionally listen and give support to your spouse. Share what is going on in your head and heart.
- Give Your Spouse a Break – Rearrange the chore chart and give your spouse more energy on a regular basis for sex.
- Get Help – If you are having trouble in your sex life, get help. Find a Pastor, Marriage Counselor or Marriage Coach. Schedule a Marriage Intensive with us.
What do you have to say?
We love to hear from readers. Do you agree with the list of why marriage heat is more satisfying than for co-habitating and single couples? What would you add to the list? Have you tried any of the suggestions for creating more marriage heat? What would you add to the list of how to increase your marriage heat? Do you know someone you need to forward this article to?
This article was written by Roy and Devra Wooten, authors of “The Secret to a Lifetime Love”. Learn more at www.LifeTogetherForever.com © Roy and Devra Wooten 2016. All Rights Reserved. You may replicate this article as long as it is provided free to recipients and includes appropriate attribution. Written permission for other use may be obtained at Secret@LifeTogetherForever.com.